Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


House, in such darkness,
The kind which in time you'd see
Ever so few, ever so slightly
Outlines of form
In dank and dark dorm
My body was so worn
Spirit completely torn
And there was me
On the floor. Yes, I'd be
Trying to grab onto...anything

Room spinning
Alcohol winning
It was that last drink
Don'tcha just know...

All right--the FIRST drink!
Without which there could not BE
A 'next' one or a 'last'...then,
Way too late for me to see
Rising up to meet me--the floor
Head on
Dead on

Oh! How I tried
And how cried
but tried once more

to keep myself level
feet even with head
climbed onto unmade bed
Keeping eyes blinking
Willing them stay open

Room going round and round
Me, listening for any sound
Water somewhere dripping, leaking
voices hushed, softly speaking

"Here's one, still breathing.
Barely alive...seething.
He almost escaped the planet"

Using a needle, they sent me
On a physical and mental journey
Of pleasantness"
What ever had happened?
That long time ago when
Life went round the bend
Had climbed aboard the Merry-Go-Round.
I was on, could not get off!
Organ grinding, still hear the sound
Endless sound--YEARS! Round and round
More and more, around and fast
Wondered how long my bottle would last
Recalled those short shots of my past
And a prayer of mine, so old
Escaped my heart--to my brain (so bold?)

My God, please
Oh, let me be
One who cannot see
Anything, any more
Except what's in front of me.

--Steve E

in Deviant Art


  1. *a sigh of relief* that this is not my life anymore... i've had one too many trips on the spinning carousel...

  2. Great poem, Steve...great new blog - so warm so heartfelt...

    Just to encourage you, here's my prayer for you:

    My God, Oh please
    Let Steve E be
    A man who sees
    The past with peace;
    May he always know
    that You have set him free...
    Lead him, let him go
    Where living waters flow
    Where he can sow
    The seeds of destiny
    So brand new hope can grow.

    Blessings on your day.
    May he

  3. The merry-go-round captures it perfectly, yes? Round and round. Spinning and spinning. But it wasn't so merry, was it? At least not most of the time.

    Well done.

  4. Oh my goodness! This poem stimulated my arrectores pilorum this morning. Steve, I think that alcohol needed to be consumed. It was probably your passion not knowing how to manifest itself without self-destruction. You are a passionate and honest poet, my friend. My goodness! I wish I met you when I was 19. I knew how to ride a motorcycle then. You could have joined me when I decided to drive the motorcycle off the pier into the Philippines Sea (true story)!

    I have read so many poems on the blogs and from bloggers who call themselves poets and I tell you, very few make me follow from beginning to end. I actually saw myself lying on the floor grabbing on to something.

    Have a great day, my friend.

  5. Well, somehow I tripped onto, over, your new link!
    Glad you have landed again.
    The spinning room-yuk! I use the Hamster wheel
    to remember what my life was like ( back then)
    and save the carousel for recovery- because
    the kid in me still loves it! Thanks for sharing as always-

  6. Thank God you stepped off that wheel.

  7. ugh...i hated the spins...makes me sick just thinking about it today...glad you survived...

  8. CES!
    You favor me with your comments! Do you remember the "shortest poem in the world"? Title: FLEAS.

    Had 'em

    It IS old, but I try to keep it level with your 'poetry-attention-span'! AND...YEP! I'd have been right there in the air
    ...in fact I DO have a "jumping-off-the-end-of-the-pier" story. I thought EVERYONE did?

    WE survived! It's a 'we' program. Also a 'oui' program, right? (That's called a 'spin')....

    Hey we 'found' each other! I'll be over to check out your place ASAP. Thanks for posting so I can remember you!

    Stepped off that wheel...right into a pile of sh-aaame on me.

    Just a 'feeling' I entertained--that others might have experienced this too. I'll track you down also, Jilli-Java. Still dreaming about a coffee shop? Only thing I know to do different from Star-$ is to add an enthusiastic strolling violin player!--GRIN!

    Lidj. ON THE RECORD--I believe the greatest praise and honor to God--giving--is the creation of a prayer-poem for another. The second greatest honor is ACCEPTING that gift. AND I LOVE IT!
    Hopefully, when blessings turn and return, they are somehow multiplied, as I know these are for you.
    Love...and PEACE!

    Sure the 'spinning room' is not your life any more, nor mine. Thank God! My prayer is that someone out there will read this, whose life IS STILL on the wheel in that hamster cage (suggested by IZZY, above) and realize it is NOT NORMAL!
    PEACE, V.

  10. As you might know, I have those days' when Round and round. Spinning and spinning.
    Thank you for stopping by

  11. JANICE!
    Howdy! And...no I did NOT 'know'...in fact, had no idea. I used to be a mind reader. but was wrong 97.5% of the time, so I quit that--grin!

    Well, you know where to go if you get sick and tired of spinning. Really don't know if you're serious or not, but it's probably not my business...all I know is if I have to drink to be 'social' it is not longer 'social' drinking.

    Glad you're still following here, either way.

  12. Sometimes when I read something exceptional, I am at a loss for words. It's almost easier to comment on mediocre things in a way.:) This leaves me a bit speechless...it is such a powerful image and evokes strong chaotic feelings in me. A powerful image of a powerless feeling maybe...the poem is beautiful and the last verse, incredible.

    Take care and have a lovely Thursday.

  13. Steve E,
    I'm searching hard for the right things to say. I have never carried your burdens, so I'm not qualified to speak easy about your pains.
    Because you have been rebuilding your life since 1974,and I guess that is approximately half your life time, I pray that you may be set free. That you may know, your prayer is already heard.
    "My God, please
    Oh, let me be
    One who cannot see
    Anything, any more
    Except what's in front of me."
    You have spoken to him who said,
    “I am making everything new!” Rev. 21:5
    from Felisol

  14. COLLEEN!
    HEY! It is delightful for me to read how you view what I write...but please Colleen, be not deceived. A 'writer' I am not, but a jotter of what I think, see, feel--hey...maybe that's what writers DO? ALSO, I suspect that God sometimes speaks through those who have no voice (Ya don't have to be 'good' in order to be 'used'!
    Thank you Soooo much

    Oh Peep! Burdened I have never felt--or maybe do not remember! But living life I DO know about--however, no more than any other who has not yet died! And yesss, I like that prayer too, even though it is/was my own. THANK YOU for 'Revelations' verification, by God-grin!

  15. I have much fonder memories of carousels as the one newly restored at Como Park zoo in St. Paul. Childhood memories returned to with a smile. The pain part, was loss, a weight, a crushing burden under which life was barely possible

  16. Steve Hi
    No I don't drink .I was meaning my life on some days Spinning out of control. I have those dark days where I just feel I have no where to turn . my life is like a merry-go-round I don't know how to get off YET. I know your poem was about the cycle of drinking but in some ways i can relate.

  17. Oh the merry go round DOES capture it perfectly!

    I still remember the spinning both the spinning of the poison and the spinning of life...just past my control on both... if I could just get it all to slow down!

    Now it seems it does at times slow down to just enough :)

  18. JESS!
    When I want 'fast' I hop on the scooter. You KNOW!

    But...life does slow down for us old Peeps, but I try now and then to release a spurt of energy, a blast from the past, a rocket ride to nowhere. All will be well. God is still in charge.
    PEACE, Jess

    Yes, I see what you are saying--and concur. For me now, it is never any more the drinking which makes my ceiling spin, it's the THINKING!

    Pain from loss, and that crushing burden--oh, you HAVE been there. Blessings. PEACE!