href, href, href...clearing my throat!

 DEFINITIONS

"Brrrrrrrr" means shiver and shake

"Poppies" means...pretty flowers?--grin!

"Href, href, href" means clearing my throat!

"Tuesday" means it is time to write something--ANYTHING!

So (href, href, href) Last Thursday I was chairing an AA meeting, and while putting a topic on the table, someone from behind shook my shoulders, made me spill coffee, and jarred me a bit.

His Voice behind me, in a whisper:

"I've got a liver--I've got a liver!"

(With a transplanted liver

he'd begin to plan, work, play, live!

The metabolic alcoholic,

(who I 'sponsor' in AA)

with nervous shout, ran out

hitting the floor, and through the door..

At the explanatory announcement,

the group of eighty-five alcoholic* Peeps

lauded...applauded, in bursting sentiment!

"Liver-Man" heard this energy from outside

as the eighty-five--hearts opened wide--

sent their group-conscious spirit and well wishes

after him...to meet him...

And PRAYER!

On the third day he walked, talked,

felt so good. He confided in me:

"I could hear my group, my friends,

cheering and (href, href, href) while clearing

my throat ...and eyes,

suddenly realized...

at THAT MOMENT 

I felt Less

Stress.

All which was left was LOVE, PEACE,

FAITH and TRUST--in my Higher Power,

My God, as He expressed himself through

all those Peeps that day."

--Steve E (aka steveroni)

*recovering alcoholic Peeps 

Published for dVERSE POETRY

OLN (Open Link night. 

Post AFTER 3 PM Tuesday

Photo Image of 

field of poppies in Early Dawn

by Adam Edwards, In DeviantArt

MILE MARKER 191

Returning from Tampa Florida, 

I came across Mile Marker 191, 

stopped, took a couple shots, 

and was inspired to post about 

the 'true meaning' of Mile 191

Note: This is NOT

the original 191, as is

depicted in her story

MILE MARKER 191

Once upon a time a girl—age 9--was being introduced to sex. It was, like, 'all in the family'; predator-rapist: her sick, sick stepfather. Locked in her closet for periods during many years, she suffered all the physical pain and mental torment one could, or could not, imagine in that situation.

When her little sister became age 9, the stepfather made advances toward new new younger one. So big sister—to protect her baby sister—let herself be 'used' by the stepfather until one day he was forced to move out.

Their mother would not accept reality of the situation, remained in denial, blaming the girl(s) for everything, even for the stepfather leaving them.

Prayer Girl and I 'met' older sister (recovering from many things) 3½ years ago on her blog. Recently we have been again in touch. For a real-life, heart-hurting story of evil, and an amazing account of recovery, I give you her BLOG as it is today. Her introductory link of November 2008 (brief) is HERE.

The 'real' story begins with THIS specific link.

LOVE and PEACE, my friends.

THE EMPLOYER

SOME MAKE--SOME DON'T

WARNING: “GOD” TALK AHEAD!

Once I asked the managing director (my former boss and friend) of a large hotel about the heavy-duty responsibilities of his job. Exactly what was it like?

He answered, “Oh, nothing to it. I say to one, 'Go', and he goeth. I say to another, 'Come', and he cometh.”

He was at once being both facetious and truthful.

Curiously, remembering that moment in reflection, I find in it references to my present-day life. In Alcoholics Anonymous I discovered the how and the why of it. In the drama of life, I failed as 'director' of everyone and every living thing.

No longer boss of my life, I now have a new Employer.

All-Powerful God. When I stay close to Him, and perform His work well, He provides everything I need. Usually when He says, “GO!”--I goeth. He says “Come!” I cometh. It can be that simple.

My new Boss is Kind, Gentle, Trustworthy, Loving. Mostly loving! I do not fear Him. And I do not want His job anymore! But I will do anything He asks. I'm becoming accustomed to using AA Peeps, you bloggers, and my AA sponsor to discern God's will for me. I don't think God is good in language, so He “talks to me” through you.

In sobriety I have done some crazy things—insanity returns?--grin! Somehow God turns my world right-side-up. It happens. I know. I have lived it, am living it. With God's Power in my life, and being conscious of His presence, I no longer fear anyone or anything. Nor do I fight, struggle. God does that for me now. (But I still do crazy things—not stupid. Crazy!)

Please NOTE: I'm not here to tell you how 'goodie-good' I am. Rather I would and do usually write how good I am NOT. My point here is to say that if I do behave justly, it is not my fault. It is simply that God has removed, one-by-one some bad behaviors, habits, obsessions, but He is long from finished!

I hate to sit in an AA meeting and hear Peeps talking about how good they are. I want to hear how bad they are/were, and what happened to insinuate a change in behavior. We are not perfect. NOBODY! (Well, I should not speak for you—grin!)

My Employer tells me this is a long-enough blog post. He also says it is bed time! And so I goeth!!!

PEACE, BLESSINGS, LOVE!

--steveroni

(Next time PART III)

PICTURE: galloway_forest__survivors

by_coigach-d2n9rmi in Deviant Art

ONE-PLUS-ONE: A DIMENSION

A MONDAY HAPPENING


I would not post this day's happening, if it did not almost bring me to anger-- I am guilty of everything else...but not anger!


This happened Monday March 7, 2011.

It is 7 AM Monday. 80-100 people are standing out in the morning's coolness, laughing, telling stories, friendly shouts all about. Small groups of recovering alcoholics sound as if they were leaving the Do-Drop-Inn at 3  AM. Normal sounds, as I happily (really!) ride up on my scooter. After parking--I call it 'docking'--I look around the 24-Hour Club to greet any special friends. And the following happens just too often:

I spotted a new guy about age 50, ultra thin--like the cigarettes he chain smokes. He is shaking, a bit unkempt (OK...a LOT unkempt!), scared, alone. As I shook his hand (sticky!), our conversation very nearly went like this......

ME:  "I'm Steve, I'm an alcoholic! Are you new at this meeting?"

HE:  "I'm Joe, I'm an alcoholic, too. This is my first AA meeting ever."

How long you been standing here?

'Bout 15 minutes.

Has anybody said anything to you?

Nope. Only you.

Let's talk.

OK. First, where's the bathroom?
Follow me, Joe...when you come out, I'll be waiting here.

(Note: nearly 100 people drinking coffee, eating pastry,
milling about, while Joe stood there among them, shaking, trembling, obviously ill. Nobody even said "Hello!" Yet, the Primary Purpose of an AA group is to help the alcoholic who is still suffering.

This would have pissed me, except that I felt my heart soften for this man. I decided to concentrate on him.)

Back to story:
 

Joe walked right behind me like would a sick puppy dog.
We took a couple chairs in the beginners' meeting. Joe, about age 50, could hardly walk. 

 

When one of us says "I'm Steve, I'm an alcoholic", and the other reveals himself, instant friendship arises. There occurs a certain trust and understanding between any two Peeps with a like illness--cancer, back injury, etc.

Neither of us would go to hell. We'd already been there.

During the meeting--these words from my new pigeon:
 

"My name is Joe, I'm a alcoholic. I been tryin' for years
to get sober, but I keep fallin' into that same rut--that pit.

I'll just go into the bar for one or two. Next thing I barely know, it is one or two in the morning, I'm so drunk I can't walk.

Joe continued: "I know now I can't do this by myself.
I've got to have help. I'm asking for help, please."
Joe has called me twice so far today, and we will meet in the morning before the 7 AM meeting. And, HEY, people! I did not become angry. I suddenly realized that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. He sent me a drunk to help...on a day I really, REALLY needed one. Thank You, God!

ABSOLUTELY!!!

On abstinence--A Piece of my Story

Regarding stopping the daily booze habit:  Sure I drank, didn't everyone? And I could stop, whenever I wished. In fact I stopped many times each day--I'd even put the lid back on the bottle. (How I loved the contents of those beautifully labeled bottles!)  Stopping drinking was simply easy.  The problem was to 'stay' stopped. That I would not, could not do.

Sure, I stopped drinking for a day, one time a whole week--well, 6 days and 4 hours, does Saturday count?--grin! What does it prove, one day, one week, a month? Only that I did not drink. This next is not documented--but most of my thinking during those 'dry' days was about drinking....

and how my body craved it (physical compulsion)....

and how my mind had been telling me, "What a mistake, to stop drinking--who cares whether I drink or not?" "I really REALLY  N E E D  it!" (Mental obsession.)  As a result, I always went back to my alcohol, couple(?) beers during the day/afternoon, wine with dinner yada-yada. Hey, EVERYONE does it.

And here is the punch line, which should (but unfortunately does not) tell me I have a problem:
I have to have it to be sociable, to have fun, to join with others in conversation, joking, to be relaxed, to feel good. Ahhhhh! To feel good. After all, why else do I drink, but that I like the effect produced by drug alcohol?

No human power, no earthly power--certainly not ME!--could relieve me of this daily habit. This habit which more and more often led me to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I am not a weak person, but alcohol had beat me.

More on how I broke the habit, and 'stayed' sober...next time, maybe a week or so. WARNING: I may be using the "God" word...or "Higher Power"!

BEFORE YOU GO AWAY---Just wanted to tell y'all I attended today my first lecture/class  titled "An Introduction to Buddhism". Just felt pulled into it as by a magnet, there are five classes meeting Monday mornings, and I'm going back! Loved it! After learning a little, I'll blog my perspectives as a 77-year-old student--who takes notes so fast I cannot read them--grin! Y'all COME BACK!

IMAGE: Absolut_Spring_by_Kat_Art
in Deviant Art