WAR GAMES--A POEM

During WWII, I would lie in the grass far back on the farm 

and watch the hundreds of B-17s practice their 

take-offs and landings from the nearby Air Force Base

They waved at me from the sky, and made me feel

important!

SEVENTY YEARS AGO

Breaking into day's placidness

ghost riders, thundering herds

overhead huge birds

bright sun suddenly less

in dark is world thrust

ten, twenty, thirty, must

be hundreds, even more

from mountain to shore

in formation flight.

above, the light

none below

prep for fight

quickly my son

grab stick

press button

learn how it's done

who is that little brat

lying in the field

almost concealed

pretending in combat?

“tomorrow we be back

tomorrow we attack...”

oh! happy and sad

fantasies, this lad

lying in field green

thinking so unseen...

pilots, gunners, waving at me

tomorrow shall cross the sea

some will live, some die

some burn, some return.

in grass, 
watching all, 
am i

--steveroni

MY RECOVERY PART IV (Final!)

IS THIS QUIRKY?

This morning I received this message—a new twist?

“Dear Sir and/or Madam

You are the only one I am writing...” etc.

Of course, I replied with my banking and Sociable Security numbers, neither of which will help them—because both are nearly depleted. But...well, charity begins in a London Barrister's office, right?

Seriously, I am such a gullible (I had written a more apt 'gulloible', rhymes with 'foible'--grin!) person. Why...I even believed, at age six, in God-with-a-beard, angels, Adam, Eve, and with no skepticism, a talking snake named Satan.

The serpent 'spoke' about an 'apple', a 'tree', 'knowledge', damnation, heaven, hell, and other things which I understood--NOT! All I really knew was that if I masturbated, I might as well stop living, because hell was my destiny, and it was warm there, even hot, very hot.

My teachers and 'God' were obviously unaware that I preferred hot, to cold, anytime...all the time! As blowing snow entered my bedroom (onto floor and bed) through rotting window sills, and drifted, I pondered these wild stories, and dreamed of hell...trying to 'feel' warm.

It was then when I began thinking that maybe all adults were not infallible—in matters of anything. Thus began a lifetime rebellion.

Later in life I realized that my many serious problems (issues—UGH!) were mine, not yours. What I did not know was that my only real problem was...WTF! ME! My Self-centeredness stood between me and everyone, everything else.

How about that—I had been a slave to myself! Sheeesh!

I turned my will and my life over to this Higher Power—God. Then, and many times since, because I am human, I've slipped into my old familiar insanity. In each instance He has pulled me kicking-and-denying, to safety.

In order to climb out of, away from this abyss, there were three requirements, told me by Peeps who I had asked for help:

1. Trust God

2. Clean House

3. Help Others

Almost too simple? Well, of course, for this formula to be effective, I had to stay sober—grin! (It became a habit!)

 

Gratefully yours!

Live and Love well...

Be joyful!

Steve E

  Adam__Eve_by_quartertofour
in Deviant Art

GETTING SPIRITUAL WITH SPIRITS

posted for dverse 8/3/2011

SITTING WITH SPIRITS

 Hopefully it is untrue what 'they' say:

“if ya hang out in a barber shop

you're going to get your hair cut”.

(a spiritual axiom?)

because my favorite place

to plunk my butt in a space

and ponder everything

from near to yonder

is a graveyard

spirits all about

a cemetery where I'm

surrounded by weathered stones

markers of lives well lived--

and some not. not so hot.

(or maybe very very hot?)

spirits hovering gravely 

watching

i'll not judge another,

rather follow god's plan,

that is—each be umpire

of their life. take law books

from shelves, and burn, burn,

as are no longer useful.

angels now in charge

in life after this

no soul will point

nor any hiss

and say, “he. that's him

who lived a life of sin”

my spirit forgiven

in the other world

language universal

mentally achieved

no more rehearsal

it is finished

sins forgotten

loving the peaceful

feel of this place

my favorite space

to ponder yonder:

angels multitudinous

universe was, is all

since before the fall

one is all there is

all is no more

all is now but one

total spirit

total love

--steveroni 

a cemetery, adjacent to my Friday morning AA meeting is where I spend a half hour in meditation.  It is a high point in my week.

THROUGH A LACE CURTAIN

REVERIES

These days I am up early (and late to bed!). I love 'first-light'. In a pre-coffee instant this morning, my eye focused on a favorite back-yard tree, my Wild Tamarind, a four-foot high bush seven years ago—now a 50-foot tree!

A pattern of lace formed itself against the morning sky, and during that momentary 'second light from the east' (like the second click of a three-way bulb), I saw vision-like images dancing there. These composed the background for my reveries. I share with you those thoughts:

First thought:

...was of a beautiful, wonderful moment last Thursday night when I got to present a happy Prayer Girl (Anna, my wife) with her 26^th sober Anniversary chip, in front of 160 AA Peeps.

Second thought:

How blessed we all are here in AA, to share with our friends the ups and downs of life to receive--and give--spiritual and other support with people who truly love us, some unconditionally.

Third thought:

Many are not aware that wherever I go, whatever city, whatever country in the whole wide world, there is an AA meeting near enough. Even if in a foreign language they are speaking, I can understand—because in recovery, in a real sense there is but one language. And that is Love.

Fourth thought:

Definition of spirituality: helping others with no ulterior motive...whatsoever! Remember that prayer?

And “the power to carry that out!”

Fifth thought:

Woman at AA meeting this morning tearfully told our group of about 80 Peeps that her husband Tom died a week ago at age 61. (Lung cancer discovered June 24, died July 26.) He was a friend of mine, rode the same kind of scooter as me (big one!), and both she and Tom are recovering alcoholics (he is 'recovered'). Where did she go, to be consoled? Her 7 AM meeting of alcoholics. Impressive.

Sixth thought:

Topic at that same meeting: Honesty! Imagine, 80 Peeps who had developed to a high degree the fine arts of lying, cheating, stealing, adulteries, abusing, hiding, fighting and other psychoses...discussing honesty at 7 AM!!!

Seventh thought:

Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book has a printed list of wonderful personal gifts, 'promises' for those who work the Steps. One promise is missing. To me, most important, for it is the ONLY real and true guarantee which is offered without reservation: “IF I DON'T DRINK...I WON'T GET DRUNK”.

The End

--steveroni

3.18.74

THE EMPLOYER

SOME MAKE--SOME DON'T

WARNING: “GOD” TALK AHEAD!

Once I asked the managing director (my former boss and friend) of a large hotel about the heavy-duty responsibilities of his job. Exactly what was it like?

He answered, “Oh, nothing to it. I say to one, 'Go', and he goeth. I say to another, 'Come', and he cometh.”

He was at once being both facetious and truthful.

Curiously, remembering that moment in reflection, I find in it references to my present-day life. In Alcoholics Anonymous I discovered the how and the why of it. In the drama of life, I failed as 'director' of everyone and every living thing.

No longer boss of my life, I now have a new Employer.

All-Powerful God. When I stay close to Him, and perform His work well, He provides everything I need. Usually when He says, “GO!”--I goeth. He says “Come!” I cometh. It can be that simple.

My new Boss is Kind, Gentle, Trustworthy, Loving. Mostly loving! I do not fear Him. And I do not want His job anymore! But I will do anything He asks. I'm becoming accustomed to using AA Peeps, you bloggers, and my AA sponsor to discern God's will for me. I don't think God is good in language, so He “talks to me” through you.

In sobriety I have done some crazy things—insanity returns?--grin! Somehow God turns my world right-side-up. It happens. I know. I have lived it, am living it. With God's Power in my life, and being conscious of His presence, I no longer fear anyone or anything. Nor do I fight, struggle. God does that for me now. (But I still do crazy things—not stupid. Crazy!)

Please NOTE: I'm not here to tell you how 'goodie-good' I am. Rather I would and do usually write how good I am NOT. My point here is to say that if I do behave justly, it is not my fault. It is simply that God has removed, one-by-one some bad behaviors, habits, obsessions, but He is long from finished!

I hate to sit in an AA meeting and hear Peeps talking about how good they are. I want to hear how bad they are/were, and what happened to insinuate a change in behavior. We are not perfect. NOBODY! (Well, I should not speak for you—grin!)

My Employer tells me this is a long-enough blog post. He also says it is bed time! And so I goeth!!!

PEACE, BLESSINGS, LOVE!

--steveroni

(Next time PART III)

PICTURE: galloway_forest__survivors

by_coigach-d2n9rmi in Deviant Art

SUNRISE HAPPENS

 SUNRISE

My Recovery—Part One (of three)

My life was self-directed for many years. A life of utter chaos! I would have been perennial winner of the “self-will-run-riot” award. When I arrived at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had been beaten down, driven by a hundred forms of fear. So sick mentally, physically, and of course morally, I recall just standing there and mumbling something about “I'm DONE! Please, someone help me, please tell me what to do.”

And I really did surrender myself to these sober Peeps—and the program of living they worked—and was ready to do anything to stay sober. A stranger at my first meeting said to me, “AA has many 'promises' for the Peeps who work these Twelve Steps. But I have ONE unwritten promise on which you can 'bet the farm': If you don't drink, you will not get drunk! If you don't believe me...try it!”

This happened in Naples, Florida. I was a bartender. I attended one meeting a week. That first dry day was not easy. But that night...I had one (God-given) moment of clarity, which many Peeps experience. Somehow I knew I would never take another drink. And I have not. That was March 18, 1974.

I never looked back! 

--Steve E

just a poem

ALONE

 ON GETTING HUMBLE?

forever I've thought

'me' very special

find out is not true--

same as everyone

else, even you.

forever I've driven

loaded up with stuff

in sagging carriage

handing my love what

some say “baggage”.

forever arranging

this, that and others

what they do, even say,

never changing

where I work and play.

forever in dark night

hiding great fright

from your sight

peeps I am alone

not really home

forever however

does not last

runs by fast

while I, so clever

believed surpassed.

forever, ever the ass

of egocentric pride

much do I have to atone

before final sky-ride

forever alone. alone

steveroni

RAIN

Posted for dversepoets

TO earth she gave birth

in creative moment
of dance, mirth

ah! nature. see?
 just to be...

dancing
she
pulls water from sea

clears, cleans
returns those waves 
as rainy sheen
back to you and me.

let us dance...
dance in the rain

the grandest scheme

greater 
than greatest dream--

process of extraction
 reconditioning

using again and again
...while we
dancing in the rain

dampening
with sweet
wetness

nurturing growth
providing sustenance

reasons to dance--

wet...dense
is the milk
mother cloud
dispenses

assuring
future dance

insuring
life's
continuance.

--steveroni

Poem recycled and edited from:
steveroni.blogspot.com
Oct 23, 2010

BEFORE and NOW

THEN AND NOW

what came before

does not haunt me

whatever in store

is not who daunts me

this moment, this riff

will play, sway

what you do and if

you stay...or betray.

before is never,

all gone away.

now and evermore

wrapped in today.

how did our 'before'

bring us to this place of

deep sea, fine-sand shore

where we now face

the next degree of burn

while clocks tick and

monthly pages turn.

did i never measure

this tower of our love?

its power, its strength?

am i finally tired of

predicting its length

today let us love

you and me,

and tenderly

let it be

--steveroni

A CINEMATIC DIMENSION

 HARRY POTTER PART 2

Probably one lone Peep in the whole world has been found asleep while viewing a Harry Potter film. Nobody heard me snoring. But my grandson suspected my lethargy, when he saw the box of chicken and fries fall off my lap onto the floor.

Grandson, age 12 (the violinist!) picked out an activity for us this Saturday. He enjoyed it immensely.

“Harry Potter Part 2” is the eighth and supposedly final film in the series. I have not read any HP books, nor seen any of the movies prior to this one—the end. I knew not who were good guys or bad guys. Lots of explosions—actually constant!—and filming tricks, altogether quite boring for me. Sorry, you Harry Potter Freaks Peeps!

Everyone I've spoken with said that I must either read the books, or begin with movie #1 and see the first seven before tackling the last film, the end. Also they all let me know how much they love Harry Potter. Did I take their advice? Of course not!

I am happy to have seen this one, the redeeming factor being that it let me know I'll not see another or read the (how many?) books. “Contempt prior to investigation?” Yer dammmm right! Once a year I allow that—for just a half 
day—grin!

The SILVER SPOT CINEMA in Naples is fairly new, sporting cutting edge technology. It took me a half hour to figure out how to buy a ticket (exaggeration), and is complete with restaurant, huge leather living-room-type theater seats, tiered so every row has perfect view. A real pleasure to visit this place for an afternoon--no swimming pool! But there IS a thousand-mile beach one mile to the west--grin!

Back to films. I'm more of a “Godfather” or “Goodfellows” type of movie fan, and...truth be known, I'd much rather be sitting in front of my computer reading blogs and commenting, writing one now and then. Or chatting with a friend on Google-chat! Or attending a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and feeling like, well...useful...or well-used?!

Most Peeps who might read this do know I am not a chronically dissatisfied Peep. In fact I try to practice being satisfied with whatever I have (key word...practice).

Going to bed happy, because I know getting up will be fun. It always is. Can't wait to see what the day will bring: Happy, sad, frustration, serenity, peace, joy, maybe a dose of each.

Have a great Sunday, Peeps!

Love! And PEACE!

NOT A POEM! WELL, MAYBE...

NO TIME FOR PICTURES

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Why am I usually 'happy'?

why do I enjoy LIFE?

why do I feel at peace?

what frees me from
unnecessary stress?

How come I was 
gifted sobriety?

please...was not  
'will power', friends!

shhhhhh! Whisper...

(how do I stay sober?

grace of God, plus A.A.)

where I

walk, ride,

work, reside--

dead-end or

free-way?

freedom from Bondage of Self,

they say.

keeps me off dusty shelf

they say.

does not mean I'm unselfish...NO!

freedom from attachment

freedom from needing...wanting

freedom from Ego. Flaunting

talents not the game

daily assignments daunting

yet all the same.

“living life on life's terms...”

acceptance with open arms

thinking not less of self

but thinking of self less

clinches this deal:

living not lifeless stress

but living stress-less life

just me and my wife...

--steveroni

ALWAYS AND FOREVER?

Happy date of birth to DVERSE POETS PUB JULY 19, 2011

 SECRETIVE AND SMILING FRIEND

Moon always is with us

Seen or unseen.

Responsible maybe

For earthly lunacy

Some say

Always with us, our moon

Now tugging, now pulling,

Soon pushing away

As throbbing heartbeat

Some say

Dark nor light can fail

Freckle-faced Pimple-cheeked globe

From showing shadowy forms.

Size and shape changing daily

Some note

Yet none on earth or else

Can render force of gravity

Less powerful. Lovely moon,

Imperturbably spotted,

Pimpled, Dimpled, and

As some say,

Strongly influencing equally

Fierce fighters...Passionate lovers.

It is said this gigantic sphere

Hides among its secrets

Even ever sweeter attractions

Some say

--steveroni

Posted on the occasion of OPENING DAY
For

dVerse Poets Pub

Image: Google Images

A WEEKEND

WEEKEND

In the hallway, I met a grown man crying—sobbing is the better word.

Allow me to elucidate. We just spent a few days in Miami, Florida (US), a place where many come to live before they move somewhere else, because of the many--just too many--Peeps who did NOT move somewhere else. It was a conference of Area 15 of Alcoholics Anonymous Districts which we attended.

There were just under 600 sober Alcoholic Peeps meeting,  greeting, carrying on some service business, listening, learning, and having also a good time, by the way—grin!

Cascades of water seemed everywhere inside and out. Water was falling everywhere also in the jungle-like, partly shaded swimming areas—you know the kind, same old, same old. But each was a miniature Niagara and each, in the shining sun so splashingly gorgeous!

Beautiful hotel...GREAT hamburgers, I mean that! (Seems such a shame to visit a Five-Star Hotel, and order hamburger, the only item under $22.) Oh well, the accommodations—luxurious!

Those B I G jet airplanes taking off from Miami International are numerous in a given day. The runway facing our direction sends those giant Jets out over the Atlantic, about every two minutes. Beautiful, especially with all those lights at night, they fly so low here until that great surge of power zooms them upward and outward over the moon-drenched sea.

Oddly enough, the rooms here are marvelously soundproofed. It has been an exceptionally interesting weekend for me. The 'main' meeting was from 9 AM-3 PM Sunday. We drove across the state to our home in Naples late Sunday afternoon, a two-hour trip. It is always a fun experience to escape the routine life.

Oh yes...that man crying outside our room—he was not one of our 600 Peeps—was deeply saddened by the fact that this fancy schmantzy hotel charges $13 per day for WI-FI. He claimed that rate is nearly (with tax) $5000 annually. So he is lived for three days without Internet access. Boo-Hoo! TELL me about it—grin!

Each of us Peeps have our own demons. I will not tell you mine, but I'll give you three guesses...and you will probably be correct no matter HOW you score! (No, I have not robbed a bank. That is one of my “yets”. It has not YET happened! And likely will not!)

What a wonderful, peaceful, interesting, busy yet serene, few days away! And it was spent with hundreds of Peeps who do not deem it necessary to DRUG themselves in order to have a great time together--WHO would have dreamed that I could be one of them?

PEACE!

Lagniappe:

A special EMPATHY I have for those bartenders who work in a 5-Star Hotel during a convention of 600 Alcoholics—who DON'T DRINK!!! (Or should I call them “Adult-Beverage” Dispensers?)

IMAGE: Google Images

DIMENSION OF PEACE

REVERIE FROM A

HOTEL ROOM BALCONY

And, one more time--

Tonight!

I see above:

Glowing, golden shadows

And glorious fullness--that

Magnificent magnitude of

Moon Over Miami

Tonight

From the highest perch

Gives one more chance

To witness,

Experience

Oh! what sights

What sounds

And memories.

Human delights

Stories told, retold

About when young

And now old...

Huge winged machines

Speeding worldwide

Float close over

Nearly noiselessly

Carrying cargoes of love

Beneath that SO special

Moon Over Miami

Hearing sweet music

Swimming in my head

And even sweeter

Songs written--

Songs sung

Balcony leaning...

Me? Overlooking

Over ALL.

--steveroni

Fantasy Image:

moon_over_miami_02_by_Unshakble
DEVIANT ART

A SOMEWHERE DIMENSION

JUST WHERE IS OZ?

Feet danced lightly on the

red brick road of love

to Somewhere

Over there

to a land far away

between mountain and sea

a paradise where live

the tallest trees

and honey-bees

where bluebirds sing

cow bells ring and

Peeps wish on stars.

Children glide on slides

somewhere—over there

What is that trestle-like arch

which none has seen begin

nor has yet found the end?

seeking always that pot

of red brick, or yellow gold

brightly young, or faded old

in perpetual smile

upside-down

happily frowning—you!

oh! beauteous rainbow

forever changing

exquisite colors

we were enticed here

by the red brick road

now changed to gold

will we ever or shan't we

discover elusive golden pot?

Though it seems like not

dance we must

on the gilded path

whatever its color

or course where it lead.

What we found is this:

the universe itself

teaches faith, and hope

that all which ever was

all that will ever be...

is love

no begin, no end

to rainbows of life

--steveroni