Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011



Certainly everyone who has ever 'walked' their dog has noticed that in a half hour, the animal will 'mark' with a bit of wetness. Our 'rescue dog' Lucky and I went for a jaunt today. But first (dirty trick) I made sure he peed in the back yard. OK. (walk, walk) pee, (walk, walk) pee...and after ten more stops to water (mark) everything from mail boxes to waste disposals, to trees in empty lots, I began to wonder, where is all that urine stored? And is it 'held back' on purpose?

You see, in retirement are many sensational, situational events. These need pondering, meditation, to even reach close to resolution. On that rare occasion when I was out of booze, and had to (Ugh!) crack open some beer to drink, I had to relieve myself after each two bottles—which translated into maybe a dozen trips to the throne. Oh well, on to this next topic, wait until you read this!


Burt is a 'rescue' cat (I rescued him in infancy, 14 years ago). He lived—for 11 years, a normal cat-life-of-leisure. With the following scenario I need help, maybe even feline psychiatric consultation. Burt was neutered early in his life, and all seemed well. On my bed Burt has a favorite 'throw'. But about two years ago he thought it was his mother—and, behaving like a normal 12-year-old (cat—grin!), he began sucking on this blankie. Now WHO in their sane mind would remove his illusion? Not me!

So he began to eat less, his stomach was full of “fantasy-milk”. Well, he got tired of that and developed a more 'husband-wife' relationship with same blanket. Definitely, totally IN LOVE, and extremely sexually active in his mind (aren't we all—guys...GUYS?). Well, he has cat-sex for an hour or more. I know, because I sleep right there beside this hairy orgy. When 'finished', he takes his siesta, huffing and puffing, all tired out.

I let this continue, first, because he SO depends on this activity. Second, it keeps him from thinking my FOOT is his 'significant other'...in which case, he would be in need of rescuing once more—grin!

Anybody out there with “Sex-Cat” problem? Any advice? I have let this go on far too long to abruptly end Burt's reverie. So I guess that's that?

Even with these, ummmm--GIGANTIC—grin! problems of daily life, I am still sober. Now, I'll check the fridge for chocolate milk, made with HERSHEYS syrup. Shhhhhhhhhh! Everyone asleep here.


PS. Somehow, it seems degrading to call a loved one by the title "significant other"--even for a cat.


  1. dude i am at a loss for words on sex cat problems...i just dont even know what to say...lol

  2. My Poodle, and most of the dog, marks the trail.

    "Hey, this is my territory."

    "But my urine is more than yours."

    I do not know whether they will start any debate.

    But thank you for your message. Your spider is beautiful.

    Spider is ugly in heart, but beautiful in pictures.

  3. sorry, i messed up last one above..


    thanks for the giggles tho i have absolutely no advice -no wait, were you asking for it? :)

    you MUST love animals something fierce to put up with all this "stuff". xoxox

  4. I, too, have been wondering about the pee thing with dogs. My puppy has begun hiking his leg on everything while on our walks and I keep thinking, "Where the HELL does he store all of this?"

  5. BRIAN:
    Just glad it's a small Cherokee blanket--and not ME. The object of his affection. OR...he'd been long gone (after proper goodbyes, of course HAHAHA!).

    Guess spiders--fortunately--are not ugly to one another--grin!

    Oh! I'm so glad somebody laughed with me over this post!! Thanks!
    And yes, I was asking for advice. And yes, you GAVE me advice: HAHAHAHAH! was good "sound" advice!

    Are you kidding me? You DID wonder about that...like I did?
    Next vet visit will answer the question...for us both!

  6. Well, all I can say is that Burt wouldn't be the first "gentleman" who enjoyed a healthy libido in his senior years. Maybe your best approach would be to move his beloved into another room so the poor guy can have some privacy. (snicker...)

    You are SO funny, gave me my first laugh--of many--this day! Thanks!

  8. LOL! ROTF!!

    I needed this! Thank you!

    As for dogs-scenting...."Mine, all Mine".

    And Bert?? Well, he's healthy, and obviously has a good sex life.

    What's to worry? I have 12 cats and all neutered....but they don't seem to be missing much. Some days there is a general humping.

    So it goes...and who sez that sex is only for humans? I think Bert is very, very sweet.

    I love your blog...it's a shot of humor and reality.

    Need that, poets are a weird world.

    Lady Nyo

  9. I think that Burt has been rocketed into his own fourth dimension.

  10. LOL Syd's fourth dimension comment just made the post all the more hilarious!

    Gosh, about sex... we all had problems there...

    I got nothing, just the echo of laughter continuing ;O)

    On the other hand, a cat is like 7 years to our one right? So that's Burt, totally active at 98 people years. You go Burt.

  11. You are SOL when it comes to the cat. Furr-git it. That habit isn't going to change. Perhaps you can relocate him to his own little comfy bedhouse on the floor with said blankie???

    I have recently discovered that Weight Watchers has as walking exercise described a "Walking the Dog". I'm sure they don't mean that string game from way back when, nor that Golden Oldie dance. However, since collaring T up and taking him for a walk is too much like exercise in this hot weather, I decided that 20-30 minutes of walking through my favorite building supply store would work just as well. And, that is exactly what I did. Call this thinking outside the exercise box whilst I'm walking the dog.

  12. Burt is a beautiful creature!
    I love cats (and also dogs)
    No good advice, though!
    But, you are funny, Steve! LOL!


  13. Uh...I'm at a loss for all words - not just words on "sex cat problems" (per Brian). Brings to mind my friend's female dachshund who thinks she's the male half of a relationship with a boy basset hound. I think I've said too much. :)

  14. Missed Lucky's pic peeing here...

    Yes, I also wonder how dogs manage to hold so much urine...

    And as for Burt, it's weird that a cat which is supposed not to does that... something must be in the air in that house--- GRIN!!