THE EMPLOYER

SOME MAKE--SOME DON'T

WARNING: “GOD” TALK AHEAD!

Once I asked the managing director (my former boss and friend) of a large hotel about the heavy-duty responsibilities of his job. Exactly what was it like?

He answered, “Oh, nothing to it. I say to one, 'Go', and he goeth. I say to another, 'Come', and he cometh.”

He was at once being both facetious and truthful.

Curiously, remembering that moment in reflection, I find in it references to my present-day life. In Alcoholics Anonymous I discovered the how and the why of it. In the drama of life, I failed as 'director' of everyone and every living thing.

No longer boss of my life, I now have a new Employer.

All-Powerful God. When I stay close to Him, and perform His work well, He provides everything I need. Usually when He says, “GO!”--I goeth. He says “Come!” I cometh. It can be that simple.

My new Boss is Kind, Gentle, Trustworthy, Loving. Mostly loving! I do not fear Him. And I do not want His job anymore! But I will do anything He asks. I'm becoming accustomed to using AA Peeps, you bloggers, and my AA sponsor to discern God's will for me. I don't think God is good in language, so He “talks to me” through you.

In sobriety I have done some crazy things—insanity returns?--grin! Somehow God turns my world right-side-up. It happens. I know. I have lived it, am living it. With God's Power in my life, and being conscious of His presence, I no longer fear anyone or anything. Nor do I fight, struggle. God does that for me now. (But I still do crazy things—not stupid. Crazy!)

Please NOTE: I'm not here to tell you how 'goodie-good' I am. Rather I would and do usually write how good I am NOT. My point here is to say that if I do behave justly, it is not my fault. It is simply that God has removed, one-by-one some bad behaviors, habits, obsessions, but He is long from finished!

I hate to sit in an AA meeting and hear Peeps talking about how good they are. I want to hear how bad they are/were, and what happened to insinuate a change in behavior. We are not perfect. NOBODY! (Well, I should not speak for you—grin!)

My Employer tells me this is a long-enough blog post. He also says it is bed time! And so I goeth!!!

PEACE, BLESSINGS, LOVE!

--steveroni

(Next time PART III)

PICTURE: galloway_forest__survivors

by_coigach-d2n9rmi in Deviant Art

SUNRISE HAPPENS

 SUNRISE

My Recovery—Part One (of three)

My life was self-directed for many years. A life of utter chaos! I would have been perennial winner of the “self-will-run-riot” award. When I arrived at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had been beaten down, driven by a hundred forms of fear. So sick mentally, physically, and of course morally, I recall just standing there and mumbling something about “I'm DONE! Please, someone help me, please tell me what to do.”

And I really did surrender myself to these sober Peeps—and the program of living they worked—and was ready to do anything to stay sober. A stranger at my first meeting said to me, “AA has many 'promises' for the Peeps who work these Twelve Steps. But I have ONE unwritten promise on which you can 'bet the farm': If you don't drink, you will not get drunk! If you don't believe me...try it!”

This happened in Naples, Florida. I was a bartender. I attended one meeting a week. That first dry day was not easy. But that night...I had one (God-given) moment of clarity, which many Peeps experience. Somehow I knew I would never take another drink. And I have not. That was March 18, 1974.

I never looked back! 

--Steve E

just a poem

ALONE

 ON GETTING HUMBLE?

forever I've thought

'me' very special

find out is not true--

same as everyone

else, even you.

forever I've driven

loaded up with stuff

in sagging carriage

handing my love what

some say “baggage”.

forever arranging

this, that and others

what they do, even say,

never changing

where I work and play.

forever in dark night

hiding great fright

from your sight

peeps I am alone

not really home

forever however

does not last

runs by fast

while I, so clever

believed surpassed.

forever, ever the ass

of egocentric pride

much do I have to atone

before final sky-ride

forever alone. alone

steveroni

RAIN

Posted for dversepoets

TO earth she gave birth

in creative moment
of dance, mirth

ah! nature. see?
 just to be...

dancing
she
pulls water from sea

clears, cleans
returns those waves 
as rainy sheen
back to you and me.

let us dance...
dance in the rain

the grandest scheme

greater 
than greatest dream--

process of extraction
 reconditioning

using again and again
...while we
dancing in the rain

dampening
with sweet
wetness

nurturing growth
providing sustenance

reasons to dance--

wet...dense
is the milk
mother cloud
dispenses

assuring
future dance

insuring
life's
continuance.

--steveroni

Poem recycled and edited from:
steveroni.blogspot.com
Oct 23, 2010

BEFORE and NOW

THEN AND NOW

what came before

does not haunt me

whatever in store

is not who daunts me

this moment, this riff

will play, sway

what you do and if

you stay...or betray.

before is never,

all gone away.

now and evermore

wrapped in today.

how did our 'before'

bring us to this place of

deep sea, fine-sand shore

where we now face

the next degree of burn

while clocks tick and

monthly pages turn.

did i never measure

this tower of our love?

its power, its strength?

am i finally tired of

predicting its length

today let us love

you and me,

and tenderly

let it be

--steveroni

A CINEMATIC DIMENSION

 HARRY POTTER PART 2

Probably one lone Peep in the whole world has been found asleep while viewing a Harry Potter film. Nobody heard me snoring. But my grandson suspected my lethargy, when he saw the box of chicken and fries fall off my lap onto the floor.

Grandson, age 12 (the violinist!) picked out an activity for us this Saturday. He enjoyed it immensely.

“Harry Potter Part 2” is the eighth and supposedly final film in the series. I have not read any HP books, nor seen any of the movies prior to this one—the end. I knew not who were good guys or bad guys. Lots of explosions—actually constant!—and filming tricks, altogether quite boring for me. Sorry, you Harry Potter Freaks Peeps!

Everyone I've spoken with said that I must either read the books, or begin with movie #1 and see the first seven before tackling the last film, the end. Also they all let me know how much they love Harry Potter. Did I take their advice? Of course not!

I am happy to have seen this one, the redeeming factor being that it let me know I'll not see another or read the (how many?) books. “Contempt prior to investigation?” Yer dammmm right! Once a year I allow that—for just a half 
day—grin!

The SILVER SPOT CINEMA in Naples is fairly new, sporting cutting edge technology. It took me a half hour to figure out how to buy a ticket (exaggeration), and is complete with restaurant, huge leather living-room-type theater seats, tiered so every row has perfect view. A real pleasure to visit this place for an afternoon--no swimming pool! But there IS a thousand-mile beach one mile to the west--grin!

Back to films. I'm more of a “Godfather” or “Goodfellows” type of movie fan, and...truth be known, I'd much rather be sitting in front of my computer reading blogs and commenting, writing one now and then. Or chatting with a friend on Google-chat! Or attending a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and feeling like, well...useful...or well-used?!

Most Peeps who might read this do know I am not a chronically dissatisfied Peep. In fact I try to practice being satisfied with whatever I have (key word...practice).

Going to bed happy, because I know getting up will be fun. It always is. Can't wait to see what the day will bring: Happy, sad, frustration, serenity, peace, joy, maybe a dose of each.

Have a great Sunday, Peeps!

Love! And PEACE!

NOT A POEM! WELL, MAYBE...

NO TIME FOR PICTURES

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Why am I usually 'happy'?

why do I enjoy LIFE?

why do I feel at peace?

what frees me from
unnecessary stress?

How come I was 
gifted sobriety?

please...was not  
'will power', friends!

shhhhhh! Whisper...

(how do I stay sober?

grace of God, plus A.A.)

where I

walk, ride,

work, reside--

dead-end or

free-way?

freedom from Bondage of Self,

they say.

keeps me off dusty shelf

they say.

does not mean I'm unselfish...NO!

freedom from attachment

freedom from needing...wanting

freedom from Ego. Flaunting

talents not the game

daily assignments daunting

yet all the same.

“living life on life's terms...”

acceptance with open arms

thinking not less of self

but thinking of self less

clinches this deal:

living not lifeless stress

but living stress-less life

just me and my wife...

--steveroni

ALWAYS AND FOREVER?

Happy date of birth to DVERSE POETS PUB JULY 19, 2011

 SECRETIVE AND SMILING FRIEND

Moon always is with us

Seen or unseen.

Responsible maybe

For earthly lunacy

Some say

Always with us, our moon

Now tugging, now pulling,

Soon pushing away

As throbbing heartbeat

Some say

Dark nor light can fail

Freckle-faced Pimple-cheeked globe

From showing shadowy forms.

Size and shape changing daily

Some note

Yet none on earth or else

Can render force of gravity

Less powerful. Lovely moon,

Imperturbably spotted,

Pimpled, Dimpled, and

As some say,

Strongly influencing equally

Fierce fighters...Passionate lovers.

It is said this gigantic sphere

Hides among its secrets

Even ever sweeter attractions

Some say

--steveroni

Posted on the occasion of OPENING DAY
For

dVerse Poets Pub

Image: Google Images

A WEEKEND

WEEKEND

In the hallway, I met a grown man crying—sobbing is the better word.

Allow me to elucidate. We just spent a few days in Miami, Florida (US), a place where many come to live before they move somewhere else, because of the many--just too many--Peeps who did NOT move somewhere else. It was a conference of Area 15 of Alcoholics Anonymous Districts which we attended.

There were just under 600 sober Alcoholic Peeps meeting,  greeting, carrying on some service business, listening, learning, and having also a good time, by the way—grin!

Cascades of water seemed everywhere inside and out. Water was falling everywhere also in the jungle-like, partly shaded swimming areas—you know the kind, same old, same old. But each was a miniature Niagara and each, in the shining sun so splashingly gorgeous!

Beautiful hotel...GREAT hamburgers, I mean that! (Seems such a shame to visit a Five-Star Hotel, and order hamburger, the only item under $22.) Oh well, the accommodations—luxurious!

Those B I G jet airplanes taking off from Miami International are numerous in a given day. The runway facing our direction sends those giant Jets out over the Atlantic, about every two minutes. Beautiful, especially with all those lights at night, they fly so low here until that great surge of power zooms them upward and outward over the moon-drenched sea.

Oddly enough, the rooms here are marvelously soundproofed. It has been an exceptionally interesting weekend for me. The 'main' meeting was from 9 AM-3 PM Sunday. We drove across the state to our home in Naples late Sunday afternoon, a two-hour trip. It is always a fun experience to escape the routine life.

Oh yes...that man crying outside our room—he was not one of our 600 Peeps—was deeply saddened by the fact that this fancy schmantzy hotel charges $13 per day for WI-FI. He claimed that rate is nearly (with tax) $5000 annually. So he is lived for three days without Internet access. Boo-Hoo! TELL me about it—grin!

Each of us Peeps have our own demons. I will not tell you mine, but I'll give you three guesses...and you will probably be correct no matter HOW you score! (No, I have not robbed a bank. That is one of my “yets”. It has not YET happened! And likely will not!)

What a wonderful, peaceful, interesting, busy yet serene, few days away! And it was spent with hundreds of Peeps who do not deem it necessary to DRUG themselves in order to have a great time together--WHO would have dreamed that I could be one of them?

PEACE!

Lagniappe:

A special EMPATHY I have for those bartenders who work in a 5-Star Hotel during a convention of 600 Alcoholics—who DON'T DRINK!!! (Or should I call them “Adult-Beverage” Dispensers?)

IMAGE: Google Images

DIMENSION OF PEACE

REVERIE FROM A

HOTEL ROOM BALCONY

And, one more time--

Tonight!

I see above:

Glowing, golden shadows

And glorious fullness--that

Magnificent magnitude of

Moon Over Miami

Tonight

From the highest perch

Gives one more chance

To witness,

Experience

Oh! what sights

What sounds

And memories.

Human delights

Stories told, retold

About when young

And now old...

Huge winged machines

Speeding worldwide

Float close over

Nearly noiselessly

Carrying cargoes of love

Beneath that SO special

Moon Over Miami

Hearing sweet music

Swimming in my head

And even sweeter

Songs written--

Songs sung

Balcony leaning...

Me? Overlooking

Over ALL.

--steveroni

Fantasy Image:

moon_over_miami_02_by_Unshakble
DEVIANT ART

A SOMEWHERE DIMENSION

JUST WHERE IS OZ?

Feet danced lightly on the

red brick road of love

to Somewhere

Over there

to a land far away

between mountain and sea

a paradise where live

the tallest trees

and honey-bees

where bluebirds sing

cow bells ring and

Peeps wish on stars.

Children glide on slides

somewhere—over there

What is that trestle-like arch

which none has seen begin

nor has yet found the end?

seeking always that pot

of red brick, or yellow gold

brightly young, or faded old

in perpetual smile

upside-down

happily frowning—you!

oh! beauteous rainbow

forever changing

exquisite colors

we were enticed here

by the red brick road

now changed to gold

will we ever or shan't we

discover elusive golden pot?

Though it seems like not

dance we must

on the gilded path

whatever its color

or course where it lead.

What we found is this:

the universe itself

teaches faith, and hope

that all which ever was

all that will ever be...

is love

no begin, no end

to rainbows of life

--steveroni

ANIMAL DIMENSION

DOG (LUCKY)

Certainly everyone who has ever 'walked' their dog has noticed that in a half hour, the animal will 'mark' with a bit of wetness. Our 'rescue dog' Lucky and I went for a jaunt today. But first (dirty trick) I made sure he peed in the back yard. OK. (walk, walk) pee, (walk, walk) pee...and after ten more stops to water (mark) everything from mail boxes to waste disposals, to trees in empty lots, I began to wonder, where is all that urine stored? And is it 'held back' on purpose?

You see, in retirement are many sensational, situational events. These need pondering, meditation, to even reach close to resolution. On that rare occasion when I was out of booze, and had to (Ugh!) crack open some beer to drink, I had to relieve myself after each two bottles—which translated into maybe a dozen trips to the throne. Oh well, on to this next topic, wait until you read this!

CAT (BURT)

Burt is a 'rescue' cat (I rescued him in infancy, 14 years ago). He lived—for 11 years, a normal cat-life-of-leisure. With the following scenario I need help, maybe even feline psychiatric consultation. Burt was neutered early in his life, and all seemed well. On my bed Burt has a favorite 'throw'. But about two years ago he thought it was his mother—and, behaving like a normal 12-year-old (cat—grin!), he began sucking on this blankie. Now WHO in their sane mind would remove his illusion? Not me!

So he began to eat less, his stomach was full of “fantasy-milk”. Well, he got tired of that and developed a more 'husband-wife' relationship with same blanket. Definitely, totally IN LOVE, and extremely sexually active in his mind (aren't we all—guys...GUYS?). Well, he has cat-sex for an hour or more. I know, because I sleep right there beside this hairy orgy. When 'finished', he takes his siesta, huffing and puffing, all tired out.

I let this continue, first, because he SO depends on this activity. Second, it keeps him from thinking my FOOT is his 'significant other'...in which case, he would be in need of rescuing once more—grin!

Anybody out there with “Sex-Cat” problem? Any advice? I have let this go on far too long to abruptly end Burt's reverie. So I guess that's that?

Even with these, ummmm--GIGANTIC—grin! problems of daily life, I am still sober. Now, I'll check the fridge for chocolate milk, made with HERSHEYS syrup. Shhhhhhhhhh! Everyone asleep here.

PEACE!

PS. Somehow, it seems degrading to call a loved one by the title "significant other"--even for a cat.

A POEM OF LOVE IN UNISON

SUNDAY MYSTIQUE

Single beauty of two souls

Accessible

Giving

Receiving

Believing in

And living

In the hearts

Of one another:

Safe harbor which

Warm inside

Pulsing 
Beating

Caring. Not which is you or me

Because there is NO you...and me.

Together at mountain, at sea

Beneath sweeter moonlight and sun

We are only and now but ONE

That oneness we cannot know

By reasoning.

--Steveroni

Images:

Two_natural_hearts_by_Roji_Hachi
Two_Little_Hearts_by_littlemewhatever
in...DEVIANT ART

FOURTH DIMENSION OF "HAPPY"

“How are you?”

“Fine!”

This common greeting between friends and/or acquaintances has lost its true meaning. Who is going to answer “How are you?”...with “Oh! I'm full of fear, and low self-esteem.”

ARE YOU HAPPY?

OK. Early yesterday I met someone I do not see regularly at the meetings. I asked, “How have you been?” She responded, “Fine!” Then she looked at me and asked, “Are you HAPPY?” As I immediately answered, “YESSS!”...I felt, somewhat wrongly, that an invasion had just taken place.

We settled into an “Are you happy?” conversation (she IS!) and I decided there and then to experiment with my newly-discovered greeting.

All day, whoever I met (ran into), friends AND strangers were jolted by my “Are you HAPPY?” I report that only ONE Peep said, “None of your Gd damned business!” However, he DID answer the question, right?--grin! (Turned out he was just 'being a smart-ass'.)

ALL day long I enjoyed thoroughly my experiment which already—for me—my new “How are you?” Out of possibly 100 Peeps (I see lots of Peeps daily!) around 15 answered with words like “marginal”, or just plain “No!” ...So 84% responded in the affirmative!

I also found that a flowing conversation became a common and direct result of asking, “Are you HAPPY??” Even Peeps who were obviously not so 'happy', were lifted up a notch in their 'happiness quotient' simply as a result of talking—which in the 'old' way, our conversation might well have ended SOON after the word, “Fine.”

Later, last night at the 'cookie' meeting I overheard the 'greeter' asking someone, “Are you HAPPY!” As I fell asleep later, I was still smiling at that one.

If any Peep who reads this decides to try it, kindly let me know in a comment how it went.

Naturally, if I am in 'isolation' mode, I won't be prone to asking, “Are you HAPPY?” But if I force myself to ask it ONE TIME, I will be out of my selfness, and maybe into helping another—and myself. How 'bout that?

Signing off as:

steveroni...or...

“happy-roni”

ALONE--IN A CROWD...A DIMENSIONAL

ALONE AND LONELY

“Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.”

--“Alcoholics Anonymous”, pg 152 

  

As a child I felt so alone, yet I was surrounded with Peeps, a brother, two sisters, lots of 'family' friends, and hired live-in farmhands. One who did not fit in during early school years—me. I was really the country bumpkin who—at age six--had never heard of a baseball game. The result of my 'feelings' (which are not always 'facts'--grin!) was isolation of myself from others. I rather enjoyed being the loner.

Note: Actually, I always had a girlfriend, beginning age five, but I wanted to be accepted by the boys, or as they called themselves, “men”...I mean, age 6 is too young to 'go steady'. So, isolate I did. On the outside I became Mr Friendly, but inside—where it counts—I hid my heart, my soul, my self.

This wishfully-granted loneliness expressed itself in many ways, over the course of many years. Just one short example:

I recall about the year 1954, sitting as a violinist, surrounded by 124 other musicians. I was a member of Cincinnati Symphony orchestra. After the finale of a Brahms symphony, nearly 2,300 Peeps stood, applauding and shouting. As the orchestra--and I--took a bow, I felt those salty tears streaming down my cheeks...tears of fear, loneliness, utter despair. It seemed as if the whole world was happy except me. And that was a direct result of my behaviors, just the “way I was”. Being unhappy and depressed was my destiny—or so I decided.

Of course, through all those years I was not falling-down-drunk every minute. I was sober several times each day, only to easily fall back on my crutch, alcohol. It made me feel like I was “Somebody”, ya know?

My character traits, poor choices, unrealistic view of life, my insane behaviors were the “isms” of “alcohol-ism”. Alcohol just neatly covered them from MY sight, not from others. SO...when I stopped using the drug, I was left with those 'shortcomings', and could not deal with life—without my crutch, alcohol. Hence, Alcoholics Anonymous, where I could observe others like me, and see what they did, to “STAY” sober.

So now, having been sober for many years, why do I continue to go to AA meetings...like—am I going to throw it all away, and drink? Well...

“...The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house.” --Jean Cocteau

'Nuff said for now about my drinking “career”...does anyone but an alcoholic talk about his drinking-life as a “career”?--grin!!!

Lonely and Alone, no more...

PEACE!

Steve E

ONLY GOD COULD HAVE MADE THEM

CES ART

Ever since my yout' I have experienced affinity with grass, weeds, stuff growing from, and in earth. As a child, I went through a period of not walking on grass, for fear of 'hurting” those glistening green blades!

My recent fondness for and love of trees, and other 'objets de la nature', is due in part to faithfully following the life and work (through her blogs) of C.P. Adorio, my most-preferred (without reservations) artist-Peep.

Pigma ink on 9"x12" Bristol Board

C.P. Adorio's "Miladysa's Glen", long my most favorite, stimulates my awareness, consciousness, of peace, serenity, nature, God's gifts.

Drawing, right, was inspired by photo, left.

Interesting rationale

is HERE

GOD ART

You've seen one redwood, you've seen 'em all, right?

How many times, really, can we wander through a patch of redwoods and be silenced by the sheer beauty of these 2,500-year-old things? How many times does staring at a tree that was around when the Romans ruled the world make our lives seem irrelevant? How many times can we be flat-out amazed by the sheer tenacity of redwoods to survive for 25 centuries?

Every time, actually, if we have a soul.

Seen one redwood, seen 'em all, right?

I must get a life. Hug a tree. Get a crick in my neck. Be humbled. (No need for my arms to reach all the way around the tree--grin!)

For a VERY informative short video about how these giants are measure, and the importance of that, please click on TREES

PEACE!

Redwood photo from Google Images