Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Monday, May 30, 2011



 "what you need is awareness”, said the Master to a religious-minded disciple. “Awareness, awareness, awareness.”

I know. So I seek to be aware of God's Presence in all things?”

God-awareness is a fantasy, for you have no notion of what God is like. Self-awareness is what you need”.
 --in the style of DeMello

So it is you who

It is you who knocks
and you who say, "enter!"

YOU talk to you here!
You, who matters;
You, who dreams;
You, who work until drop;
You, who loves with passion your family;
You, who owns the heart of another

Speak to yourself--
Your Muse,
So deep cushioned
In that bosom
Speak pure sweetness ...
Of your life
In its total

Learn of your stresses, frustrations,
Your sometime-desire of thrill-filled
Tender touches: loving...longing.

Feel goose bumps 
on your arms,
Your thighs,
and sigh...
And sigh again.

Our God does not count who is walking through the cathedral door. Our God observes with happiness those who are living with love in their hearts for all others. Not hurt, nor pain, nor misery of suffering will satisfy the God-Heart. Only 
L O V E...and one may "mark those words" because they are truth.

Speak you to yourself
Of your true love
Whose heart HARBORS you
As you walk with him...or not.
It is, it can be, no other way.

Be of thyself aware
And God will be there.

IMAGE: don't you love in vain 
by sunshine911
in Deviant Art

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Remember to Forget!

"Why do you keep talking about my past mistakes"?
said the husband.
"I thought you had forgiven and forgotten."

"I have, indeed, forgiven and forgotten," said the wife.
"But I want to make sure you don't
FORGET that I have forgiven and forgotten."


SINNER: "Remember not my sins, God!"

GOD: "WHAT sins? You'll have to prod my memory.
I forgot them long ago."

--Anthony DeMello

Forget by detunedbystereo
As found in Deviant Art

Tuesday, May 24, 2011



Nearly three years ago I began writing blogs. My sole interest then was alcoholism and alcoholic recovery. I started enjoying art and poetry. Today May 25 is my birthday (Gemini) and it occurs to me how I have been so blest, so gifted with prints of art works from six different bloggers over a two-year span.

Last night I decided to hang these pieces on the wall in front of my computer. I sit here now, just happily awestruck each time I look up from the computer. 

This blog is my gallery of friends ON that wall, and the Peeps who squiggled, drew, penciled and painted. I am thrilled, and joyfully post this blog:

First time I really examined a painting was the Lady in Red by CALLI and Calli-Girl sent it to me famed, ready to hang.

Then I met blogger "CAT"
Vibert in Ashville, NC and liked her FARM IN SNOW

The next four gifts are drawn by a fellow-Gemini, CES ADORIO...each one I received for a special reason, but have forgot the 'reasons'. Just now I enjoy being surrounded by "Ces-Art"

The Flower drawing next to the two nuts (Ces) below is "MEDITATION" by my wife PRAYER-GIRL, another Gemini (May 29)

Another by CES ADORIO...I really love these three ladies. Pathos, pain, heart-hurts--of a missing friend? THANK YOU, Ces. TSUP!

On the left:
These are gifts from--I want to call her LADY BELLA BELLA--like "Lady GAGA"!!!! However, grateful I am to have two of her illos! TSUP!

If only you could see this in person, the colors are exquisite. It is the header for her blog and LINDA is her name. She promised me this because I admired it so.

And now I can admire each morning and meditate on this beautiful FARM SCENE by LINDA

Inadequate is my ability to express the gratitude and love I have for these Peeps and their dedication to making this world a better place through their art. The wall looks like THIS:

As Manon Doyle writes: "Fill your heart with art!"

Saturday, May 21, 2011



Recently—well several months ago—I came across two old family photos. The first was taken in October 1947. It is me riding my WHIZZER motorbike. I was age 14, really proud, and sort of (Ha!) a maverick. That means I did the exact opposite of whatever was expected of me or what I was told to do. P/S Still do sometimes.

This bike had 'power assist', i.e., the rider was the power, and he/she assisted by pedaling when the uphill journey demanded. I loved that bike—it did about 50 m/p/h with a tailwind—downhill—grin! (For this motorbike I paid $60...money from washing dishes in a large downtown Cincinnati restaurant.) Parents had said “No! Be smart! Deposit your money in a bank!”) Fat chance!

Photo #2 (below) is of me driving, a friend (Don) riding shotgun, on a 1948 Salsbury Motor Scooter (The last year they were manufactured). I bought it new in 1949, cost me $220, quite a lot of money in those days. I was 16 years old, a violin-practicing, farm working Peep (shoveled LOADS of you-know-what!) in an all-male high school. (What a screwed-up world!) I loved that scooter, it breezed along easily at 70 m/p/h/, ran circles around the competition. Automatic Drive, no gears to shift, no “owner-powered-assist”!)...

Can you see one of several Collies, "Lassie" 
in the background by front headlight? 
Also behind us is house where I lived 
from birth until "Goodbye"--about age 18
Hope you enjoyed this look at
Steve E in his 'yoot'...

NOTE:  During these years of youthful fun-and-frolic, 
I 'suffered' all the symptoms of alcoholism; 
Fear, Paranoia, Self-Centeredness, 
Pride, Anger, Greed, LUST, Envy, Vainglory.

Although I did not drink "TEN quarts of vodka each week, 
I  was never able to stop, once begun. 
Always wanted to feel better, to be someone else. 
And alcohol did that for me--from the first. 
Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous!

 (Photo Credit: Norma E, my mother, died 1995)

Friday, May 20, 2011


My FIRST Great-Grandchild, nearly two but not "terrible" is such a beautifully-made boy. He owns two marvelous parents. And I am SO proud. I met him on my first scooter trip in August 2009...and we WILL meet again!


Two years a resident.
One day a President?
Whether what or who--
Peeps will say, "We knew
Him WHEN...
But then,
Never theorized
Never realized
The mark each leaves
On world's Peeps.”

God and a mother know
At birth
The worth
Of that life, that soul,

Whether he'll be tall or small.
Only God, Who knows all
Is able to hold him high or
Pick him up from a fall

please Bless him and all babes
Those here, and over there


Tuesday, May 17, 2011


 That face I cannot

Ever forget.

figured lace

Between me and you.

Most times I saw through

Sometimes only sought...

It was THOSE clouds

Formed countenances

Never caught.

Images of you I saw tonight

Your eyes...glances...

Smiled a lot. You

Showered me with light

From way above
I felt your love

And singing a tune
Gazed at a moon
So bright tonight--

Because on it's sweet face
Those clouds of lace
Had moved away

And left you for me
In my heart--alone--to see
What I ought never forget

Beautiful lace
Beautiful face
Of you...
Posted for OSW

Friday, May 13, 2011


May 13, FRIDAY, 2011

So, Dearest Blogger (Google),

You have taken away my post from Wednesday. In past days/years that might have bothered me. But today it only B O T H E R S  M E !!!!!!--grin!

Actually, this is a message of appreciation for all you have given me for nearly three years. I have used resources of yours worth a king's ransom. I publish exactly what I wish. You send new 'tools' for free--with directions. I may come and go, stop or start.

The only Peeps who complain to me--or worse, wash me from their blogs, are those who ALSO use your myriad of services, which again, cost nothing. I may be playful, serious, --grin or LOL, even cuss a bit. I may publish a photo of a hay field, or of a beautiful nude. You are, to me, good Google...never rude.

You will fix "Blogger" and restore my post--it is the the first of mine I really LIKE out of several hundred. So I will practice my violin, get ready to play a wedding (on the beach) tonight at 7 PM, and when I arrive back here about 9 PM......

YOU HAD BETTER HAVE THIS F'KNG THING FIXED OR I'LL QUIT! (Wait a minute--I was never hired--grin!)

In reality Google, I love you, and wish you PEACE. Being at the apex of your discipline is so very difficult. Peeps have told me that, or I'd never know.

P/S  But HEY! I did 'know' once, it was a quart of SMIRNOFF and a gallon of genuine White Port Wine which kept me on top for two whole days...I was King, Emperor, Director, Great Leader of all the world. I woke up in back of the barn, lying on a fermenting manure pile in the hot mid-day sun.

Steve E

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Is she or Isn't she?

Girl in photo might be protecting her anonymity by hiding her face. I wonder if she is indeed a violinist? (Answer at end of post.)

Many of us violin players are dually addicted: music and alcohol. Together, they raise my spirit level to a totally higher stage...music and alcohol!

Ethyl Alcohol deadens the central nervous system, so in combination with violin playing, I never knew which it was made me "feel different, feel good"--grin! To that extent I often drifted apart from the real world, unfocused, lost in the activities--a symphony of empty bottles.

Playing violin and drinking booze walked with me hand-in-hand during half my life. The music lifted my spirits--the 'spirits' made me think I played OH! so good!  LOL!

With time, in my unawareness, those two drugs, music and booze--my two lovers--subtly began to quarrel, one whispering that it did not need or want the other to 'make' me happy. That was then.

Sober now--those days are long ago, seem far away. However, the ghost of the dead drug might return at any time to haunt the house. That is why I continue to go to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, to help myself and others to steer a course through safe waters in that channel of sobriety, the sea of life...under the care of a Loving Creator.

For certain I do not know if the undraped violinist in the photo is an alcoholic (doubt it!)...but I DO know she is a violinist! How do you think I can tell? Well, blow it up a bit--I mean "enlarge the photo", dammmit!

Maybe only a string player would notice this: the fingernails of her left hand are neatly trimmed, while her right hand is sporting some wildcat claws...Sorry I do not have a link for you to the photographer. (I think she is 'nice'--grin!)