Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Friday, November 23, 2012

ISOLATION--A GOOD TIME?




Words of "Isolation"
Music from "Fascination"

"It was Isolation, my dear..
T'was this Isolation,
sprung out from my fear
Heart that's made of lead
might as well be dead
Unless "I love YOU"
is--yes--what she said,
so true..." 

"Happy Thanksgiving 2012"

Thursday began for me like most other mornings, attendance at an early AA meeting (actually, two of them), happily greeting and enjoying friends in recovery. I had earlier posted on Face Book and elsewhere, how wonderful I felt, while wishing the same for everyone else--it IS a holiday!

Something unusual hit me in a sudden torrent of fear, preceded by a premonition that all was not well--in my head. 

A committee had formed in my brain, in emergency session, to remind me how worthless I am. How could anyone wish 
to be in my presence, or even near?

Ding, ding, ding, ding...
hear that bell ring?
it was my clue
to call somebody.
Anybody. Even you!
Nope! Rather be suffering. 

So I did "do" dinner at noon, and, 
tired from  forcing a smile, 
went home to "isolate"
--just as I used to many years ago. 

ALONE AND LONELY
1958
 I was alone and lonely
also I spoke to no one
and the world
seemed a strange place" 

One day while walkin
along the river bank, I met
a snake, a snail, and a shell.
And I spoke with them:

"All life is twain,
the one a frozen stream;
the other a burning flame.
And that burning flame is
LOVE!" 
(4 lines from THE PROPHET by Kahlil Gibran) 

Later I came upon 
a little child in a carriage 
...and she smiled tenderly at me.  
--Steve E, December 1958

OK, ces sation...
no more im molation 
a bit of--ap probation? 
(is that a word?--grin!)

That which brought you near

also brought you HERE

Sobriety intact,
Steve E  (aka steveroni) 

IMAGE
Family Bonding 
by ericashanee 
In Deviant Art    




24 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Izdiher...is it not funny that we (you) can have nearly 900 Facebook
      FRIENDS, and yet feel alone and lonely? I MARVEL
      at us humans--well, me!--how we can be Way up high with Gratitude, Love of life, etc., and in 10 seconds, be in the morass of self-pity, self-centeredness, worry and fear.

      Thank God we have programs to find our way out...FAST!
      Peace, and blessings to you this weekend, Peep!

      Delete
  2. Well snap out of it Steve. We have work to do and it's for the "greater" good! See you later! (Grin)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! my "Website Maintenance" sponsor! You are very helpful at all times. Thank you, Mary!

      Delete
  3. i am glad you are not in isolation or needing to drink right now steve....its a hard time around the holidays, memories seem so heavy this time of year....i like the smile of a child as well...shalom good sir....

    and if you ever need....call me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. believe it ir not--you were the first person in my mind to call--but....YOU know!

      Thanks!

      Delete
  4. What the heck???!!! Of course we are all worthless. Just a bag of bones and skin. We are all worthless, UNLESS you love another bag of bones and there is a bag of bones who love you. So there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you mean...like a skunk loving another skunc?
      Skunk sat on a stump
      Stump thunk the skunk stunk
      Skunk thunk the stump stunk

      Ces, your message is loud and clear. Thanks.
      Steve

      Delete
  5. Loneliness is a key virtue of our existence ... we all feel lonely at times, even when we are surrounded by people ... I guess being lonely helps us identify ourselves better !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For me, being lonely--and alone--SUCKS!--grin!

      I am no longer that "aspiring-to-be" hermit-monk. And...it does not "take a village!

      It just has a need for WE
      instead of poor ole' ME!
      PEACE!

      Delete
  6. I am never certain if I am lonely whenever I'm alone. Oh well..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lisa...IF/WHEN you are lonely, you will know it. There wil be no mistake. But know that loneliness comes from within myself, OK?

    It is no fun.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey, Steve, I'm back in the USA. Arrived home 16 Nov, after a grueling 24 hrs of travel. It gets harder as the years pass! But I hope to go back to India in May, after the arrival of my first grandchild.

    Thanksgiving was lovely, in the midst of my three sons. My middle one did a turkey on the grill. I barely lifted a finger...kind of nice for a change.

    A big Thanksgiving hug to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to the USA! How many languages do you speak/understand?

      "...turkey-on-the-grill"
      Sounds good
      Also...I play
      "Turkey-in-the-straw"
      (That's "pre-grill")--grin!
      C U Around the 'net, girl!

      Delete
  9. Happy belated Thanksgiving! Too busy to pause long- sorry if the empty icicle
    of isolation caught up with you- The ding ding ding- made for a good stop sign!
    We had a lovely wedding to go to last night! Bill W's half was in the room furthest from the bar. (The untroubled crew were closer) Talk later ! Be well!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Izzy! LOVE that descriptive "icicle of isolation" "ICE-O-LATION" is the word you gave me here. Thanks for the inspiration.

    Am being well, and you be also--I'll be by your blog later...well, why not NOW?

    ReplyDelete
  11. So funny how we will collect or reflect on the vast numbers ... when really it's not how many in the end is it? It's the dedication in which we worship, turn our attention to, and receive just One right? Suddenly when that small fact is straight, the world begins to spin again and we are back to the trudge, with sometimes a tune and a little dance or skip

    :) XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ohhhh, Ma'am...you DO understand!

    Heard someone say once, the devil works harder
    to conquer a Peep who he deems might "make it"...
    (so that rules out the devil? HAHAHAH!)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I so relate to you, Steve, as with so many things you write out your soul in. As for me, I've been in a 3 month treatment to wash my body of a very nasty virus. So it's been forced isolation because of the tiredness and nausea. As one Dutch doctor commented: "You feel you have no 'puff'." LOL. That's for sure. And in my self-imposed isolation my mind has spun so many both positive and negative thoughts. That's just the nature of the beast. My good news is that I'll be taken off the worst of the medication end of the week. And I'm hoping for more quality of life for the next 3 months till treatment ends.
    I'm glad you have your support group. I don't really have one here, just a few good friends and family whom I haven't seen much because I 'have no puff'. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shers, thank you for nice comment. Sometimes "isolation" has a good purpose. For me, usually not. I hope yours ends in a successful manner, and that you be alive and well for many years of moons.

      As for "puff"...I have no troble there--got a lot of it. Every time I walk two flights of stairs, you can hear me, "puff-puff-puff-puff..."

      PEACE!

      Delete
  14. I think it's time that you stop beating yourself up...the past is the past and you can't do anything about it. Look forward and think how worthy and special you are. Hugs :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm here and I've missed you......:(

    stop hating WP so you can say hi! k? xo

    ReplyDelete