Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Soliloquy



PHOTO by Bill S, Naples FL

PARADISE ON EARTH

Upon moving to Naples Florida 47 years ago, age 32, I was literally enthralled with EVERYTHING from weeds to winged creatures, crawlers to crayfish, peaceful sunny days (300 each year!) to hurricanes.

Then happened a time period of raising a family, working two jobs, plus playing violin--talk about stress! During these years I began to take for granted everything for which we'd stopped and stayed.

NOTE:
(Except the seven Package Liquor Stores--one for each day of the week! Heaven on earth...Really!) Actually, my wife (now deceased) and I were just passing through, stopped--and stayed, early 1965.

We boated, fished, swam naked, explored uninhabited beaches, but it was all, like, so dull, boring--always praying that tomorrow would be better. Reality would have us wonder, "What could be better?" But reality had escaped our lives.  In truth, we had escaped reality in a bottle.

Finally, tomorrow is here. And better it is, so much so. Only changes I would have are selfish ones. God will one day say either "Yes", "No", or "maybe, if you're good boy", HA! (Boy!) I enjoy to be known how happy I am to be sober (actually, I shout it from the rooftops!), see others stop drinking and stay sober, and have more friends in sobriety than I'd ever imagined. A simple way of life, working on some self-defects, helping others to find their way in life. Lot of our work as alcoholics is one-on-one sharing with another. Others are always helping me also.

This new life--a busy one to be sure--leads to less stress (sometimes none?) very little if any anxiety, and a spectacular freedom known only to a few--because I talk to lot of Peeps who are not free. I was imprisoned by my own soul.

All my life the only word I knew was "Yes!" Lately I've learned of another word, "No!" What Freedom....

I am honored to be allowed to play violin at mass almost every week--this does not make me a holy Peep, but I can and do LOVE it--grin!

Friends I love, in very special ways, finding joy in time spent together. Some live far away. It is difficult to realize that at the end, my wish bucket will not be empty. But somehow I believe that God's wishes will survive, and provide us all with an eternity which--if we knew what really it was like--would kill us.

LOVE and PEACE!
Steve E

24 comments:

  1. smiles...no does bring freedom...and you getting to choose how you spend that time...i am glad you are sober as well my friend and i love that you give back...

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    1. You too, Brian...everyone do what they can, and somehow in the end, all will be OK--or so he says in the movie--grin!

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  2. :) And the peeps are glad you're around and journeying the road with us. Even far away friends like to see you when you can visit. I'm grateful for the time we have together online, in blog and in person...however it comes.

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    1. Before I ride over to Charleston, I'll make sure y'all are still there. Like to make it on a weekend, and do the 'Sunday' thing. We shall know...when more is revealed! Now, where did I hear that before?--grin!

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  3. Have to laugh at the "Would kill us part"...very true!

    Your faith is beautiful Sir Steve!!

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    1. Christina, you make me feel like...well, Knighted. "Sir Steve"...HA! HA! HA!
      Wait'll I tell the Peeps who REALLY know me about that...or maybe not--grin!
      PEACE!

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  4. I think to each of us, different parts of your post will resonate. But to me it was the part about "no" being freeing. I had to stop and really think about that and discovered it turned a light on for me. Thank you. Now about that swimming naked part...still do that? :)

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    1. Anytime a light is turned on for me, I use my Higher Power's Name, and say Thank You to God, for I believe He is in control of the light switches, just uses Peeps to flick the switch! How wonderful it all is!

      NOW: about swimming naked, have to chat another time. Anna is right here and if she sees this, she'll be dragging me out to the beach (AGAIN!--grin!) at 3 AM---shudder!
      PEACE, my friend!

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  5. Life is a journey, my friend! You took the bull by the horns and made a better life for yourself. It takes guts and courage. Be proud!! : ))

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    1. Manon, I have been an admirer of your paint, your life, and your latest business undertaking, and am SO proud to 'know' you. You qrote "Life is a journey..." YUP! August 7 or 8 I'm taking off again on my scooter. I love these trips. It is 725 miles to my Great Grand children's house in NC. Fron there I have many choices, and however the wind is blowing, is how I'll go.

      "...the answer my friend,
      is blowin' in the wind..."

      Between you and me, isn't life just W O N D E R F U L ?????
      I love each day, as it is a NEW beginning!
      I want to visit the store...why do you call it "Etsy"?
      Also wish to install your business in my sidebar, if possible--just so I can find it easily--grin!!!
      LOVE and PEACE, Dear Manon....with a heart for art!

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  6. "Always praying that tomorrow would be better."

    Oh, man. Aint that the truth. Always tomorrow. What about TODAY??? LOL

    I am getting better each day about living in my Now. Its taken a while. But Im getting there.

    Have a good day, friend.

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    1. Yup! I've been told there is only one Eternity.
      It is this moment.
      None other.

      So where does 'time' enter in?
      Duhhh, Ah Dunnow--and I really don't!
      PEACE, YOU!!

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  7. Hi Steve! I hadn't been blogging for quite some time. I'm back again and thought I'd drop by and say, "Hello friend." *Hugs*

    Heather

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    1. Heather it HAS been a long time since....and you STILL color those fonts which until there is little contrast--and I cannot read your poats.
      PEACE!

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  8. Awe..... you are so sweet, Steveroni!! Thank you so much. Btw....Etsy is an online marketplace for artists and crafters. There are millions on there.
    Love your spirit, Steve. I just told my mom a few moments ago that everyday is a gift. I try to live in the moment even though sometimes it's hard I keep reminding myself to enjoy this day. A new day is right!!! : ))))))

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    1. Thanks for this reply, Manon. I learned a couple things here. Blessings on your continuing career in Jeweled Art.
      I'll be checking out your "Etsy" stuff....
      PEACE and BTW, I LOVE that heart on my blog-bar.

      (The only way I could use it permanently is to advertise your own Etsy Biz, with a click!--grinning!)

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  9. Looking backwards one can see God's ruling in everything.
    (Soeren Kierkegaard, "Life has to be lived forwards, but can only be understood by looking backwards.")
    If you hadn't been an alcoholic survivor, Lots and lots of lost people would never have met you, nor got the support and strength and courage they needed to try over and over again on getting a new life.
    You are a burning light in the darkness.

    As for eternity, of course we're only passing through here on our way to something much better. We belong to the very privileged on earth.In eternity, we'll all become equally blessed, the children from the concentration camps, the starving ones in Africa, the slaves of Asia, the abused women, children and men all over the world. There is no other explanation to me.

    I also hope there'll be a bay with dark blue velvet fjord, where I can be sixteen again and swim naked with the Morild glowing as I slowly and lazily move in the lukewarm water.

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    1. We sure think alike--except I'm certain you LIVE it better than I ever hope for. But each in our way, trudge this road of happy destiny. Right?
      PEACE Fel!

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  10. Freedom-? Well surely you have had a good share, right? I have. )I didn't learn No
    really until a therapist began to teach me at 16)...then I had to practice on my family! Nice that you had an unintentional visit become a place you stayed :)

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    1. "NO" was the first word I ever said...but didn't learn to use it properly until many years after--grin! (Always knew it was a word most Peeps did not accept, rather, like to hear!

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  11. Steve, quite a journey you've been on.... sometimes we have everything in front of us but we don't see it. I hear the gratitude in your voice.... so good you share yourself with so many and try to help others find their way.
    My friend, I wish you Peace and Love always.

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    1. Ayala, all I really know about you is that you are ONE VERY SPECIAL PEEP! (And that is really enough--grin!)

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  12. There is always a morning after every night.
    Lovely post.

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    1. How new
      How True
      How relevant
      How "YOU"!

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