Drinking Alcohol taught me how to fly
Then it took away the sky....

Thursday, June 28, 2012

NOT IN VAIN


                        
It has not been in vain,
this training and teaching time...
time of suppression, repression, depression
is changed now into a time
of glorious expression.

--God Calling
(June 28, 2012)


YOSEMITE...AND THE WATER FLOW
LIKE OUR FLOWING LOVE--
NEVER REALLY CEASING

Above the photo, today's reading/meditation hit me right across the head. So often I feel guilt--no!--shame because of my own happiness. It's like, am I the only one who isn't full of negativity? (My perception tells me this.)

Even though I have obligations, they are MY responsibilities, my choices. I have the freedom to change them, to do or not.

Being bound to my own options in this life is just not the same as spending 40 or more hours each week at the behest of others. My work life began before age 10 on the farm, and lasted for 55 years. (Not all of them on the farm--grin!) Now I perform activities that--if they'd been 'requested' by authority--would have turned me quite far from enjoyment of life.

First, I am alcoholic. Second, I do not drink--for more than 38 years! You probably do NOT care for knowing how one IS an alcoholic, even after staying sober...so I won't expound on that now! Today, I practice 'being satisfied'. That helps me--to have no expectations of others (a few minutes of that is possible, now and then--grin!)

Doctor visit this morning ended my need for continuing liquid chemo on my face--I'm finally burnt to a crisp, took a 'before' photo moments ago. After 10+/- days of a special creme I will shoot another photo--'after'..and blog them. It may help someone to take more care of their skin when spending years in the sunshine--yeah...right!

--In a different 'vain', I said to doctor if she got rid of the ugliness, and kept the color, I'd be grateful.

Everyone I met this morning returned my Alien-like smiles, my face one big, bleeding bag of sores. And Peeps are just SO nice everywhere.

"God Calling" quote at top of post is my raison d'etre during this segment of my life. My training, learning how to live, is from a teacher named Alcoholics Anonymous. If I had not been a hopeless, helpless drunk, I'd never have allowed a Higher Power (God!) to lead me to AA. Does that connect with you? That I am forever grateful to God and AA? I was allowed to hit the bottom, the dregs of living. I'm truy grateful to BE a recovering Alcoholic!

I read, see, and trust many fellow Peeps in these blogs, and their words nurture me. I give support as well as receive it, through poetry, other writings, pictures, and "glorious expression". We share our experiences, strengths, and hopes here with any who would 'hear' or read.

Grace from God is continuing, never stopping. It just like "Where is all that water coming from?

My prayer is that all of us be allowed to continue these practices until God says, "YOU!  It's time now. C'mon along!"

PEACE, LOVE, and PRAISE!

--steveroni



20 comments:

  1. smiles...i love your enthusiasm and happiness....so please do not feel guilt over it....that time is coming...and its beauty will outshine even that amazing picture up there...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boy...Man, you sure know how to add happy, to
      a guy who's already happy! Thanks, Brian!

      Delete
  2. Steve, you are good people. And thats all I have to say about that. We are here creating our own human realities and I prefer to be as ecstatic as I can about it. We are not a glum lot.

    I am so sorry about your skin. I am familiar with that procedure and I know its painful. I hope you heal quickly.

    By the way, the old blog is gone....moving on ;-) Kristin H.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy and glad that the "real you"(?) is back on my sidebar.
      Although never lonely here, when one is missing, there is that urge to "leave the 99 and go looking for the 1...know what I mean?
      See ya, Chica!

      Delete
  3. I'm glad that you are enjoying life, even those doctor visits. Take care of yourself, Steve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Syd. Same with you...about 'taking care'!
      Lots of sun and reflecting out on the sea!

      Delete
  4. time of suppression, repression, depression is changed now into a time
    of glorious expression.

    Love that you put the waterfall there after, because it reminded me of the rainbow that reflects when the sun hits the mists created from the suppression, repression and depression of the water as it hits the bottom and begins to flow out :)

    That has to be a "God" thing :D <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JESSIE!!!!
      Don't you agree?
      Every 'thing'
      is a God 'thing'?

      In gratitude.
      PEACE!
      Steve

      Delete
  5. I do love Yosemite and the falls- but I hate crying! and try not to hold on to those thoughts and feelings...I seem to cry easy lately.
    Sorry about your skin battles- I never took care of mine very well and lived outdoors much of my days. So I put cream on now and deal with weathering- hopefully that is the sum of it. Nice post thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crying comes and goes with many of us Peeps.
      Some advice? Talk to you doctor about that (crying)
      NOT your psychiatrist, OK
      Advice means TAKE or LEAVE
      --grin
      PEACE!

      Delete
  6. Love the face and the facing and ridding ourselves post too :) LOL <3 sometimes we just have to plow though, trudge on and smile ... sores and all. Thank God!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, babe. YOU know about "sores and all"...and keep on 'plowing' I love that word!)--grin!

      Delete
  7. your enthusiasm and spirit is infectious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew I had an infection somewhere...is it treatable?--grin!

      Delete
  8. Ah sadness...that you might feel guilt or shame at your own happiness. You are God's creation and it is your birthright to be happy. But I understand so well what you're saying. I am just now beginning to understand what it means to love myself. It is empowering and exhilarating and mind-blowing. :) Blessings on your continued physical recovery. Your willingness to share your ups and downs is part of what makes you a great teacher. Peace!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A teacher I am not.
      A learner, maybe, but there is SO MUCH--grin!

      Thanks for comment.

      Delete
  9. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ,6 etc

    We can list down all our negativities.

    And there they are.

    They are left over there.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow, your words spring and hit me in the face...full of happiness, I return your smiles.

    Keep on spreading your joy ~ You deserve it ~

    ReplyDelete
  11. Take care of that handsome face, my friend.

    ReplyDelete