NOT IN VAIN

                        

It has not been in vain,

this training and teaching time...

time of suppression, repression, depression

is changed now into a time

of glorious expression.

--God Calling

(June 28, 2012)

YOSEMITE...AND THE WATER FLOW

LIKE OUR FLOWING LOVE--

NEVER REALLY CEASING

Above the photo, today's reading/meditation hit me right across the head. So often I feel guilt--no!--shame because of my own happiness. It's like, am I the only one who isn't full of negativity? (My perception tells me this.)

Even though I have obligations, they are MY responsibilities, my choices. I have the freedom to change them, to do or not.

Being bound to my own options in this life is just not the same as spending 40 or more hours each week at the behest of others. My work life began before age 10 on the farm, and lasted for 55 years. (Not all of them on the farm--grin!) Now I perform activities that--if they'd been 'requested' by authority--would have turned me quite far from enjoyment of life.

First, I am alcoholic. Second, I do not drink--for more than 38 years! You probably do NOT care for knowing how one IS an alcoholic, even after staying sober...so I won't expound on that now! Today, I practice 'being satisfied'. That helps me--to have no expectations of others (a few minutes of that is possible, now and then--grin!)

Doctor visit this morning ended my need for continuing liquid chemo on my face--I'm finally burnt to a crisp, took a 'before' photo moments ago. After 10+/- days of a special creme I will shoot another photo--'after'..and blog them. It may help someone to take more care of their skin when spending years in the sunshine--yeah...right!

--In a different 'vain', I said to doctor if she got rid of the ugliness, and kept the color, I'd be grateful.

Everyone I met this morning returned my Alien-like smiles, my face one big, bleeding bag of sores. And Peeps are just SO nice everywhere.

"God Calling" quote at top of post is my raison d'etre during this segment of my life. My training, learning how to live, is from a teacher named Alcoholics Anonymous. If I had not been a hopeless, helpless drunk, I'd never have allowed a Higher Power (God!) to lead me to AA. Does that connect with you? That I am forever grateful to God and AA? I was allowed to hit the bottom, the dregs of living. I'm truy grateful to BE a recovering Alcoholic!

I read, see, and trust many fellow Peeps in these blogs, and their words nurture me. I give support as well as receive it, through poetry, other writings, pictures, and "glorious expression". We share our experiences, strengths, and hopes here with any who would 'hear' or read.

Grace from God is continuing, never stopping. It just like "Where is all that water coming from?

My prayer is that all of us be allowed to continue these practices until God says, "YOU!  It's time now. C'mon along!"

PEACE, LOVE, and PRAISE!

--steveroni

SONGBIRD--LOVE POEM

rode in with the wind

rode out in style
brother, I have sinned
and loved every mile
--steveroni

 THE PEOPLE IN THE ATTIC

 i had slept on
beach and bench
and tall building beams.


down mountain streams
flew, my feathered beak
to quench thirst therein
and soared over highest peak.


breathless,
stopped to rest
 in cabin loft 

in darkness
heard her cough...
songbird! 

next day
renewed
rejuved

flapping wings and things
designed and built our nest
 there exchanged rings


oh my love remember?
our nights held no bars
one sweetest night in november
full moon! and above...
stars

--steveroni

Posted for d'Verse Poets Pub
- OpenLinkNight - Week #50
Line up every Tuesday, 3 pm EDT.

MY SEMIANNUAL RANT

                                  MY SEMIANNUAL RANT

Peeps, something is bothering me. For several days I've been  disturbed by what was happening to my blog, and no place I searched could help me.

You see, when writing for several years on my blog 'steveroni' about AA stuff, I used to have 40-60 visitors a day. A blog-friend created for me "The Fourth Dimension", about 18 months ago. More or less I slipped into writing--Well...pretending to write, but nevertheless enjoying--poetry. My daily traffic went to an average of 12 to 30 'hits' a day.

OK, the problem: SUDDENLY about a week ago, number of people clicking on my blog jumped from that 12-30 hits, to 60, 70, then 90+ a day. You know me, alcoholic-thinking (not drinking!) Steve. I figured people were simply enamored with my "flawless" poetic pronouncements--grinning and LOLing!

Well, yesterday I did a little investigating using a 'peep-counter' app named Site-Meter. It gives me information about what search words were used to find my blog. Lo and behold, 3 out of 5 visitors used search word(s) 'children' or 'images-children' and were directed right to a blog I posted June 8, titled "HAPPY CHILDREN". It is no more than a copied page from Kahlil Gibran's "PROPHET". Gibran makes so much sense to me--who, in the past, was an active drunk and very poor father. Three photos of 'happy' children are included at bottom of post.

Are you following where I'm going with this? When I realized who the "new" people (cannot call them by my favorite word 'Peeps') are, I almost puked: some, probably most of them predators, or gatherers of child porn. (See, I still judge people!)

I'm leaving the post up (it is linked above) until Friday night. if anybody wants to see what I considered a so pure, even spiritual post, click the link. Saturday morning I'll remove it, along with this rant. I am SO ANGRY--and that is NOT how I am--any more! Thank you for reading. Lesson is--for me--use Prudence when choosing a title. I sure did not set out to be a Satan messenger.

NOTE: I am NOT "Mr Clean" as you might guess (HA!)...and mud is mud. On the other hand, horse manure IS horse manure!

Said in haughty manner, nose turned up:
"I DO have my principles!" --grin!
PEACE! (sigh...)

steveroni

AT EASE! PLEASE?

AFTER 3 PM Tuesday bring your (Published) 

whatever to Open Link Night #49 at the PUB

 Published for dVerse Poets

CATHEDRAL of the SACRED FAMILY in BARCELONA

Stained glass cathedral windows always put me at ease

AT  EASE  PLEASE!

All who are torn, forlorn;
taken for a ride,
then set aside.

Do you confide
in sea, sky, and
partly shadowed 

forest lands?

Please! At ease!

From atmosphere of gloom,
Laughter fills the room.
All needed to rid of strife,
is a few chosen words
from history, her-story
--their brief 'book of life'!

Easy does it!

That past is more a look
through yesterday's world,
like peering in a bottle, near dry.
Few lonely ounces yet inside
recall sweet brandy swirling
as they danced, whirling...and

with affectionate tenderness
traipsed a wilderness
fresh, foreign, forbidden.

Lest newness beget old, or
fear that saneness turn to bold,
they listened, as
deep-down voice once told 'em,
“...know when to hold 'em,
know when to fold 'em...”

Memories sometimes tease
warm waters into freeze.
Let healing heart-heat from above
become that burning flame of love

And please, please
please be at ease.

--steveroni

And I LOVE this, from the film
“Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”
(A 'must see'! IMO)

“Everything will be OK in the end
and if everything is not OK
...it's not yet the END!”

MAG 122 violin lesson or life lesson?

escher, m c puddle 1952

kids called us the 'holler folks'
not because we hollered so much
as what where we lived, our road.
always the mud, water-filled tracks
(“if yall fall...land on yer damn backs!”)

more slippery now than egg yolks
i stepped ever-so, umm...sprightly
on trip home from violin lesson and
seemed to walk even more lightly
than before.

i could tell, ya know, why walkin' heavy
an hour ago, lookin' at my shoe prints,
deeper than now--'cause goin' the other way
i was to face teacher's ass-in-nine hints
as if i hadn't practiced since nary a day.

today was special though, bein' i noticed
how a picture of the trees and sky seemed
framed, like through a old rotted wood barn.
entranced by this scene, like in a dream

i just set down my fiddle right square in the
muddy-mud-look-like-wood.
right there's where I should
a'quit it all. Later I stood over
to take a razor-strap beatin.

each leathern slash made me wince.
That was seventy year ago
Been runnin' away ever since.

steveroni

Please go HERE for 

Tess' Magpie Tail sign-up 

and meet all the other Peeps!

INSIGNIFICANCE?

INSIGNIFICANT

Alone, walking beach,

insignificant.

Multiple thoughts of

mostly unseen--

clairvoyant

Of you, me

and all we be,

illuminant.

Loving to watch the shining sea

reach from its boundary,

reflecting shadowed light.

Each tidal 'offense'

called back home

through all day, all night.

Swish...swish...wash...wish...

oceans so free

sustain

independently

specific quality

home...for...the...fish

NOTE:

Our galaxy so small.

Childlike, we all

insignificantly refuse

to face the fact--

no matter how we abuse

gifts of space, earth and sea...

who age, wither, become dust,

is not our universe—but us!

 --steveroni

Image: "Insignificant"
by kil 1 k in Deviant Art

CHOICES

 My two Blog-Friends

have choice to make:

up or down,

here or there...

somewhere

anywhere,

aye or nay

to go or stay.

Many 'turning points' on life's road

When melded together

almost become circular.

The following poem came to mind

while commenting on Jessie's blog, soooo...

A POEM

Thinking piety

and mixing anxiety;

decisions on wait

leave naught but action

without any distraction

--or we will be late

I...waiting with you,

and listening, hearing God, too.

For now...not breathing

And 'talking' to Him

Who everything has made

Who all things bade.

"Follow, not wallow

in My footsteps...

wherever they may lead

to plant timeless seed!"

LOVE and PEACE!

Steve E

(in DEVIANT ART) "circel" by
dekleinewildebizon-d53fx01

CLAIRE DE LUNE

dVerse Poets Pub OPEN LINK NIGHT #47

The doors swing open at 3 PM EDT Tuesday

Right HERE

Yosemite, California Full Moon (4 minute exposure)

As we together gaze tonight

while drinking of love's cup

at Luna-Full wondrous sight--

down--as he stares up,

I WONDER!

Moon, you stare

in my direction.

Is my earth (to you)

shining up there

so bright tonight?

Just what do you see?

...Trying to find

God as you look up?

Do you pray to Him

hands folded, while

kneeling on some

invisible stars?

Wondering, I...

I wonder, as

down at you

I'm staring.

Discover above you, Sir!

I'm sending down to you

shining rays of love.

And are you feeling these?

Wondering, too,

 are you?

Are you viewing a

spoon chase its dish,

a cow jumping over,

some flying fish?

How about Mother Earth?

Is the face on her

of a Lady?

Seeing you this night, I am

asking from afar:

do you experience

LOVE where you are?

Down there?

Wonder I...

HOW?

My love is here, whether

in chair next to me

or far away by the sea.

Or gazing up, 

alongside you...Mister!

Are there miracles

also down there?

YESSSS???!

Miracles are always happen

here, there, and everywhere.

So why feel forlorn?

A great one of those

supernatural moments:

when, my true love--

YOU were born!

--steveroni

 by ~KintzPhotography

THE INTERVIEW

See. I did something besides fiddle around

Funny thing it is, when some Peeps pray, they gaze UP! What's up there? Are we trying to look past the moon, sun, and through a hole in the firmament, to 'see' God on the other side? Could it not be that great Reality, God-Spirit, is down here, riding with us in our 15-passenger van?

 I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GOD!

Except that there IS One, and it ain't ME!

ARREST HIM, 

'CUFF HIM, LOCK HIM UP, 

THROW THE KEY AWAY!

During a five-year period I drove a van for a quasi governmental 'Transportation Disadvantaged' Company. My daily run included carrying six 'retarded' Peeps to their jobs in a large hotel on Marco island, then back to their homes after work. We got to know each other well, became a sort of 'family' during those 250 weeks.

Ed:

Each morning as he climbed into the van, I'd ask, “What's goin' on, Ed?”

He'd look over my shoulder, grin, and announce in his inimitable way,

"Oh, a little bit of this,

a little bit of that,

and a little bit of everything else.”

This came to be our “inside” joke/saying wherever we ended up, a party, bowling, rest stop, etc. Also it is part of my philosophy today, learned from a guy with IQ under 70
Someone asks me what I've been doing...

It is probably none of their business

Kyle:

Another time, when a driver cut in front of us illegally, I asked what we should do with him? Kyle shouted out, “Arrest 'im, Cuff 'im, Lock 'im up, and Throw the key away.”

That also became a slogan...as we spotted hundreds of traffic law violators.

Group “THE SIX”:

How distinctly this memory fades back to me, in brilliant cinematic flavors! During this period, I taught the National Safety Council's Defensive Driving Course. I learned (and taught) that a driver who is becoming tired, groggy, or sleepy, only has to wet a small bath towel, cool it in the breeze, and put it around his neck.

One morning, to practice and see if it worked, I put a nice cold wet towel around the back of my neck. Janie asked me what was that for, and I told her, “To keep me awake.”

Eight hours later, early evening, I could see from way up on the hillside, in single file, my six adult “children” each walking as they dripped with sopping wet towels around their necks. Each soaked towel was Beautifully embroidered,

Marco Beach Hotel and Villas. 

 

Among thousands of memories, one more story won't leave me—ever!

The Interview:

Those days I carried a battery-powered pocket tape recorder. One rainy, gloomy Monday morning a thought came to me: use my recorder to interview each rider during a given week, play them all back on Fridays. These turned out to be gems, I tell you!

At first, they couldn't wait to hear themselves answering interview questions for a job, military career, singing waiter, dog handler, television announcer, etc., etc. After a time, we got in the swing of Friday “playback”.

They L O V E D it! (And so did I—grin!) and we all just lived for our Friday 'sharing' times, morning and afternoon.

Often we'd pick up a couple old Peeps going to doctor or something. None of us ever told them what was going on. It was fun to observe the looks of bewilderment. Also I got looks of “Are you CRAZY???!!!”

During this time the retarded peeps learned all about alcoholism and drug addiction (many of their parents had problems). Who knows how God handled that stuff?

THIS, I know: It was a period of my life in which I internalized the truth of, “When ya give it away, ya receive it back tenfold.” These were the fastest

250 weeks, I did not want to leave these Peeps!

Now and then I meet one of “my Peeps” bagging groceries or pulling weeds somewhere, and they still remember me, (and I them—grin!). And this all happened between 15 and 20 years ago.

--steveroni