On abstinence--A Piece of my Story
Regarding stopping the daily booze habit: Sure I drank, didn't everyone? And I could stop, whenever I wished. In fact I stopped many times each day--I'd even put the lid back on the bottle. (How I loved the contents of those beautifully labeled bottles!) Stopping drinking was simply easy. The problem was to 'stay' stopped. That I would not, could not do.
Sure, I stopped drinking for a day, one time a whole week--well, 6 days and 4 hours, does Saturday count?--grin! What does it prove, one day, one week, a month? Only that I did not drink. This next is not documented--but most of my thinking during those 'dry' days was about drinking....
and how my body craved it (physical compulsion)....
and how my mind had been telling me, "What a mistake, to stop drinking--who cares whether I drink or not?" "I really REALLY N E E D it!" (Mental obsession.) As a result, I always went back to my alcohol, couple(?) beers during the day/afternoon, wine with dinner yada-yada. Hey, EVERYONE does it.
And here is the punch line, which should (but unfortunately does not) tell me I have a problem:
I have to have it to be sociable, to have fun, to join with others in conversation, joking, to be relaxed, to feel good. Ahhhhh! To feel good. After all, why else do I drink, but that I like the effect produced by drug alcohol?
No human power, no earthly power--certainly not ME!--could relieve me of this daily habit. This habit which more and more often led me to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I am not a weak person, but alcohol had beat me.
More on how I broke the habit, and 'stayed' sober...next time, maybe a week or so. WARNING: I may be using the "God" word...or "Higher Power"!
BEFORE YOU GO AWAY---Just wanted to tell y'all I attended today my first lecture/class titled "An Introduction to Buddhism". Just felt pulled into it as by a magnet, there are five classes meeting Monday mornings, and I'm going back! Loved it! After learning a little, I'll blog my perspectives as a 77-year-old student--who takes notes so fast I cannot read them--grin! Y'all COME BACK!
IMAGE: Absolut_Spring_by_Kat_Art
in Deviant Art
in Deviant Art
those conversations in my head. all so clever, so crafty, giving me all the reasons to drink and why i should drink. whilst all the time my gut told me i'm just fooling myself... glad the past is past. may it stay there.
ReplyDeleteV, I'm so glad to read your comment, as you are up in the new day, and I'm just going to bed (also in the new day--grin--2:45 AM). And I'm glad we both sober today. Let's stay that way all day. Blessings.
ReplyDeletePEACE!
You are very brave to tell your story. Maybe it helps somebody. I have seen many struggling with the same addiction and it is just that an addiction. Alcohol raises your serotinen levels, so it is logical that if you are feeling low this is a self medication. I've used it to feel good but I learned that walking in our paradise had the same effect so I was lucky. I learned a little about Buddism What I liked is that it is not a religion but a philosophy. I like the following quote of the Dalai Lama: "Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness"
ReplyDeleteI am very glad, Steve! :-)))
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am sorry you had to go through all of this, I find it powerfully positive to read about the changes in your life. May God bless you and keep you on the path He has chosen for you Steve!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you have a wonderful day.
nice...i have done a little study on buddism...i can see you enjoying it...and glad you got that HP to help you break free...
ReplyDeleteHi Steve,
ReplyDeleteIt was good to read your story here... am so glad that God helped you to get to where you are now.
Will be looking forward to reading the rest of your story!
Blessings,
Lidj
I RELATE! Look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteSteve E,
ReplyDeleteI left a comment which was both ignorant and short sighted.Therefore I deleted it.
I do wish you well with all you have achieved, and especially in building a good relationship with your grandson.
"Search and you shall find," Jesus said.
I know you as an honest seeker, and am positive that you will find what you need.
From Elise
FELISOL!
ReplyDeleteUnimaginable for me to EVER think of you as both ignorant and short sighted (well maybe short-sighted--who is not?--grin!)
Please do not go away, I'm sure we can work this out...written in jest! But you ARE a favorite here
And I like very much to read what you write.
PEACE!
JEREMY!
Well, we're both here, and as you know, when it comes to our recovery stories, there is ALWAYS more, as each day adds its treasure(?)!
LIDJ!
So highly do I respect your views, your beliefs, and your behaviors, I follow you "religiously" to 'use a word--grin!
PEACE!
BRIAN!
On Buddhism: Well I am not a convert to anything, but am interested in everything, especially if its thinking history goes back 3,000-6,000 years (Hinduism) before Christ.
COLLEEN!
ReplyDeleteDon't we--each one--have to 'go through' whatever, in order to get where we are going? I am rather 'happy' to be an alcoholic, to have 'suffered' the consequences, because I NEVER would have found the life I have today...booze or NO booze. Seriously! Might be difficult to understand--so don't try, OK? --grin!
PEACE!
MADDALENA!
I understand completely! I am glad also. What a bright light is turning to 'on'!
MARJA!
I L O V E the Dalia Lama, his thinking, his universality. And his ultra serenity is enough to make him leader of any part, or all of the world--IMO
Love reading this.Thank you
ReplyDeleteI applaud those who can get to the other side of this black hole. When I worked in rehab only about 1% of our Vets were staying clean.
ReplyDeleteproud of you and your burden to help others Steve
No one benefits - many suffer
Smiles
MOONDUSTWRITER
ReplyDeleteYour 1% figure brought to my mind a girl who was in rehab for 28 days. Near the end of that period, their counselor said to the 12 people in that group, "The statistics are against you people. Out of your 12, only 1 will make it...maybe 2.
The girl ended up tears-on-the-floor crying. When asked why she was crying, she answered, "I'm feeling so sad for you 11 people who won't stay sober." (Meaning that SHE had committed.
PEACE
Oh, that girl IS sober now almost 26 years!
JANICE!
Since you are not an alcoholic, it really is special that you keep reading. Good! For you NEVER KNOW when the opportunity for YOU to help someone will offer itself--you'll know where to steer them--grin!
PEACE!
I am interested in Buddhism as well. But finding the time seems to be the problem. I am so busy--as Dave said to me--I wonder how I ever had time for a job.
ReplyDeleteSteve..I like reading your story, my husband is recovered and so are two brothers...one brother is a chaplin at a recovery center now in Phoenix...God and Higher Power are in daily vocabulary and enjoy the classes ...there is a calmness in embracing Buddhism...no matter what your belief....bkm
ReplyDelete