From THERE to HERE

Tonight I went to a 'Speaker' meeting.
This is a true account of that meeting.
I left out loads of good stuff, too hot to publish here

The speaker's eyes sparkled,
her smile forced response
and she teared only a tad.
During the girl's talk a love-scent exuded from her very pores.
Its transpiration invaded the room like a moving, billowing cloud.

By the end of the meeting, 

love filled every space in that place

She told of her first pre-kindergarten feelings of inadequacy.
Always alone, playmates ignored, even at age 4.
She was considered 'dumb' because she did not like to read
those "stupid story books with stupid pictures."

Next she spoke of her disease, alcoholism:
(Hey, I'll let her tell her OWN story!)   

"I was never a 'part of' anything.
OK, yes, I was Captain of soccer team,
Captain of Cheer-leading squad
But THEY were over there.
And I, over here, was alone.

I felt never EVER 'good enough' never 'accepted'
as if people purposely kept me 'out of' the group,
sort of like ostracized.

My first alcoholic drink consisted of several glassfuls
of vodka-plus-orange juice, and produced a total blackout.
Vomit was all over my pajamas and my bed...and the floor.
I don't remember a thing, except I wanted to do it again!
From that time on, I only drank to get drunk.

I puked a lot during my teens, and I did everything
which a 'nice' girl would not, could not do.

I was the best dancer (kept falling down),
best daughter (my parents never even guessed)
best lover ( all were disasters),
best dresser (I did not dress-to-kill...I dressed to get messed),
best student (I could not read--so failed most everything).

Alcohol made me 'feel good'.
When not drinking, I was restless, irritable and discontented.
Just a few drinks, and I experienced again
that so-desired sense of ease and comfort

My craved-for feelings
of being prettier, thinner, better dressed, smarter, 'cool'...
Increased my physical craving for alcohol.
The 'mental' part--the obsession--well, I ALWAYS had to have more. 
More of EVERYTHING!

Finally I got into the habit of driving drunk and often wondered,
"How did I get home last night?"

One time I was moving away from the home of my first husband
(I always called him a 'schmuck' because he WAS!) and I woke up thinking that I had all this packing to do.

The house was full of boxes carefully labeled "Dishes", "Linens", "computer", etc. Somehow, in a blackout, I had done the best ever prep job for moving.

Arrested and jailed for drunk driving--third time--was the catalyst for bringing me into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. The AA program, the support, the meetings, the 'coffee-and-breakfast' after meetings...all have saved my life. 

I am working hard, our Twelve Steps. Go to a meeting almost every day, talk with my sponsor a lot! I am now age 27, been sober almost 3 years, and have nothing but LOVE for you people, and AA.
 
And I am learning to READ!!!
Also I love SO much my fiancee sitting here in the front row, I would never have met him, never could have been so happy, so free as now, were it not for that last DUI which sent me here. Thank you, all you people for being here tonight!"
========================================================

As this meeting ended, an understanding
love filled every space in that place.
--Steve E