SUNDAY MYSTIQUE
Single beauty of two souls
Accessible
Giving
Receiving
Believing in
And living
In the hearts
Of one another:
Safe harbor which
Warm inside
Pulsing
Beating
Beating
Caring. Not which is you or me
Because there is NO you...and me.
Together at mountain, at sea
Beneath sweeter moonlight and sun
We are only and now but ONE
That oneness we cannot know
By reasoning.
--Steveroni
Images:
Two_natural_hearts_by_Roji_HachiTwo_Little_Hearts_by_littlemewhatever
in...DEVIANT ART
this is lovely steve...when two truly become one...while on one level it happens on the wedding day, it truly happens further along but unfortunately many never make it there...great write man!
ReplyDeleteI see love when peeping through the two souls;
ReplyDeleteSo red, so fresh, so good.
Steve, this is wonderful. What a lovely way to feel. I'm glad someone has touched your life in this way.
ReplyDeleteBleeding Hearts are such a beautiful flower. Fine piece of work, Steve.
ReplyDeleteLove the title,
ReplyDeletelove the quote on top at the top
love your sweet words of L O V E Love your choice of pics and even the font!
... and you are Steveroni again!!??
That's my peep
Hugs Steve
You are really *Mystique*
Beautiful...just beautiful. Wow.
ReplyDeleteloverly
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
ReplyDeleteTo not be being, but to be.
Brilliant ! Touched my heart .
ReplyDeleteWish i could write like that :)
Steve ,i will be away for a week and will have no internet access.See you after i come back.Have a wonderful wonderful week.Regards.
BRIAN:
ReplyDeleteYour comment is truly encouraging. Thank you.
RAINFIELD61:
I believe love is everywhere. I read today about orangutans and bees, butterflies and flowers, and a mountain in Malaysia. Love was everywhere I read.
MAGPIE:
Thank you. Sometimes must we touch, in order to be touched?
“Reach out and touch someone”. Add for AT&T...PEACE!!!
MONKEY MAN
Thank you, maybe next Sunday 160, hmmmm? I'll promise to TRY!
DULCE:
You liked everything, I am happy for that. Coming from the poet I admire,
your words are so welcome! PEACE!
MINING FOR DIAMONDS:
Kimberly! During your 'time away' you sneak back in to read and comment. You honor us, Peep.
Keep practicing your v....., and PEACE!
TESS KINCAID:
“Loverly?” ...Thanks, Fair Lady
FELISOL:
“To not be being, but to be.”
Why did I not say that? Hmmmm?
GooooD!
KAVITA:
YOU have a wonderful week, friend!
Will be here. Be safe.
PEACE!
I love it, bravo, bravo, BRAVO
ReplyDeleteSteve this is another deep poem.
ReplyDeleteI love the new header picture on your blog. Really lovely.
Your heart is full of poetry, waiting to be given words.
Have a blessed day...
Lidj
Oh this is beautiful! Unreasonable love! :)
ReplyDeleteJESSIE:
ReplyDeleteGlad you like. Of course, you're a girl, and it does sound a bit-- ummmm--romantic-like, I suppose. But even men can feel like that sometimes. LOL
very sweet and touching ~
ReplyDeleteOh, so lovely and romantic. this is really good, Steve.
ReplyDeletethis is lovely steven...left me staring at the screen for a while, savoring the warmth that comes from your words..sensitively pinned
ReplyDeletealready gave you the love in that first comment up there...smiles.
ReplyDeletefirst line, kill the of, make it a semicolon and make it two lines...with a line break after...
single beauty;
two souls
...
nix the that in the final line...
great message steve, would just tighten it a bit...
First of all let me see if I understand the poem’s story. It appears to be a description of a romantic relationship based on abstract ideals such as accessible, giving or physical aspects such as beating hearts. It is clearly based on strong personal feelings but it would be strengthened for me as a reader if you could show rather then tell with concrete examples based on strong nouns and verbs of what these phrases mean as I can’t see the who the you or me are. But’s it’s good to see that you are thinking about the line of the poem and how this could guide the reader into the poems meaning or impact.
ReplyDeleteI like the torrent of shorter lines in the first stanza; the succinctness there proves power in brevity. The odd bit of rhyme, like receiving/believing helps it along nicely also. The theme appears to be quite deep and quite personal to the Narrator/author?
ReplyDeleteIn terms of issues here, I agree with Brian on the breaking of the first line, removing 'of' and inserting a semi-colon. The length of that line sticks out somewhat compared to the lines that follow it. I'd also be inclined to drop the caps at beginnings of lines; in modern poetry it is the norm and having caps can make a poem look very old-fashioned. More crucially, it hampers the flow line-to-line (esp if you have run-on lines where the sentence/ thought spills over). Not overly keen on the use of whole words on CAPS either, they always seem to overstate to me. Italicising works great, in my opinion.
Fine piece though, this one's up and running
just suggestions here, of course -
Single beauty;
two souls
accessible
giving
receiving
believing in
and living
in the hearts
of one another:
safe harbor which
warm inside
pulsing
beating
Caring. Not which is you or me
because there is no you...and me.
together at mountain, at sea
beneath sweeter moonlight and sun
we are only and now but one
That oneness we cannot know
by reasoning.
BRIAN:
ReplyDeleteGREAT ideas, thank you! Am I to institute corrections now, or wait until after all crits are in?
JOHN:
Thank you very much. Sounds like you would like more specificity, and use of words with more strength.
LUKE:
I cannot thank you Peeps enough for this help--unexpected...thought I'd get fluffed off--grin!