good boy--bad boy

THE GOOD

Something Happened

"He's a good boy."  That's what people said.  I pretended to not hear them.  Did not want to be a "good boy".  The "bad boys" got the choicest girls, attracted attention of teachers, police, school principals.  They were known, recognized, even liked, praised.

Those--like me--who always said, "thank you", "please", and "excuse me" were not chastised for our behavior? Same old hated--in those words, "He's a good boy."

When alone, I would loudly say "Damn", "Fart" and "Fuck".  Then, as I turned age 10, I tried, tried hard, to become a "bad boy".  But I was not properly accepted, acclaimed, liked. People only laughed at me, saying, "Look at that good boy trying to act bad."

I kept on proving to myself and anyone else that I WAS bad, became a real drunk, and I existed with the emotions of a 15-year-old for the next 25 years.

Two things I wish to mention.  At age 15, when I REALLY began my BAD life, all those other "bad" guys became good guys, earned post-grad degrees with honors.  They got good jobs, stayed married, raised families "properly", became owners of successful businesses or respected elected officials (HA!).

By age 40, in poor health, I was stealing in order to support a rather expensive drug-and-booze habit.  Life continued--then Something happened!  I got well, began living with a gusto like never before, happily enthusiastic about EVERYTHING!  What that Something was is between me and It...but I always now capitalize the word Something.

--steveroni